Adam’s Hangover

By Alberto Angulo

I have come across a chronologically impossible question that I have found to be a recurring theme:  If you had the opportunity to interview any person in history, who would it be?  I find this question bit absurd due to the simple fact that is absolutely never going to happen, unless we develop a time machine and even if we did, how are we ever going to be able to be one on one with these timeless figures we attempt to interview? I understand this is a “hypothetical” question, so there is no need to take it so seriously.

Individuals posed with this question tend to respond with answers that coincide with their own personalities.  For example, the pseudo-intellectual would answer in one of the most irreverent ways with, “Aristotle!”  The unpublished writer ( like myself ) would say, “Shakespeare.” The public university educated math teacher:  “Isaac Newton!”  A self-proclaimed artist would mention Michelangelo; and of course a scientist would choose Albert Einstein.  But what about a pastor or a priest, or a committed religious person.  I think we all know the answer.  Yes, they would  say, “Jesus,” as if any answer to what you could potentially ask him were not already in the Bible… but anyway…What would  you say ?  I’d probably lie, just for fun, depending on who is the question coming from and I would try to initiate some controversy choosing an over the top character like Hitler or Christopher Columbus.

But  who I really would like to interview if I were given the opportunity would be Adam.  Yes, Adam, as in “Adam and Eve.”   First, we all want to know where we came from, right?  We all have doubts about the theory of how everything began, don’t we? And also questions about a higher power?  I believe Adam, as the very first offender in history, basically ruined it for all of us, tragically thinking, and let me tell you, it wouldn’t precisely be the most cordial interview.  Maybe I would start with some ice breaker questions like:

How does it feel Adam?

How does it feel to take a walk with God?

What is it like to be in the presence of the most pure love?  A type of love humans can’t even start to understand?   Tell how is it to have the scars taken out of one’s eyes and be able to see reality through the eyes of the most loving, inviting paternal and tender being that has ever existed?

Tell me Adam– have the decency to look at me and explain how it feels to be separated from any worry or pain? To see that light that everybody so eagerly talks about, whiter than the whitest snow, brighter than ten-thousand suns, and still be able to look right at him.  How did you talk to him?

I can only imagine what it is like to be able to ask him questions and get an immediate answer, to feel so secure so complete that the only way to describe the feeling is by using the word “Paradise.”

I am sure that at some point I wouldn’t be able to contain myself any longer and I would get up from my chair and slap him right in the face, saying, “How could you?  How could you have been so unwise?  So senseless?” And he would look at me right into my eyes and say: I deeply regret it, Albert, I did not know I was sentencing humanity to live in a perpetual state of spiritual conflict, I had no idea I was forcing you to live in a constant battle between what your heart knows but your brain can’t reason with.

Then I would take a deep breath and sit down again in my imaginary  brown-colored plastic chair , disturbingly similar to the ones at my grandma’s home, and right there, sitting in front of Adam,  I would come to understand that it wasn’t his fault.  That if it hadn’t been him, somebody else would have done it, maybe Cain or Abel, and in that moment, a profound, dark feeling of  relief would take over me as I realized then, if nobody in the history of human kind would have eaten that apple, I would have done it.  After all, how many times have people who loved me the most, warned me about not doing something and that was deliberately and exactly what I ended up doing, and just like a coin going into a machine, the metaphor used in the book of Genesis would click, and make a little sense to me for the first time in my life

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