Before we get to the meat, it is necessary to recap certain a bit of last week’s show in order to provide a lucid chronology of tonight’s events.
So let’s face it, last week left a lot to be desired. It just didn’t have any bit, pun intended. This week was essentially better if only because Russell Edgington was included in more scenes; never mind that he disappears later.
It turns out, that the thing Gran wanted Sookie to find under the bed wasn’t the old newspaper clippings leading her to Dearborne. That was just a coincidental detour. What was under the bed was a scroll with a bunch of fairy writing that’s super old and, thanks to practically-elder-fairy Morella’s magical abilities, translates into some old contract that says the next fae-bearing female Stackhouse heir has been promised to this Warlow guy. So, that’s Sookie right? It would explain why the guy was stalking her parents.
The Vampire Authority, and their desire to rule the world remained the central theme, as it will for the remainder of the season. After Bill’s (Stephen Moyer) suggestion last week, their plans begin to take form as they start bombing various True Blood factories around the world making vampires a little worried that they’re going to have to start eating people again. But we’re also left with Bill’s wondering if God really is a vampire and wants vamps to erratically drink human blood. For all intents and purposes, Bill appears to have lost his mind and after having crazy hallucinogenic cowboy sex with Salome (Valentina Cervi) he betrays Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) who has been trying his very best to escape. This serves as a nice twist for Bill who has always held the moral high ground but now appears to have surrendered that duty to Eric.
Back at the station Sheriff Andy (Chris Bauer) and Jason (Ryan Wanten) figure out that Dearborne is none other than the ‘Dragon’ who’s been leading a group of rubber mask wearing killers who target supernatural people.
With Luna’s (Janina Gavankar) identity crisis over for the time being she and Sam (Sam Trammell) literally turn into flies on the wall to listen in on police business and head out to exact their own revenge on the ‘Dragon’ and his followers.
All three storylines converge on a pig farm where Sookie and Hoyt (Jim Parrack) are being held and about to be fed to pigs by Dearborne. Last week I guessed that Dearborne was the Dragon but apparently I was slightly off as it turns out that his mistress(?), Sweety (yup, that’s her name) is actually the leader of the killers. Sweety holds a vendetta against all supernatural beings as her husband left her for a shape shifter (think of the benefits…). Sam and Luna save Sookie and capture Sweety. Andy guns down Dearborne and they all live happily ever after.
No, probably not.
The fire demon story comes to a pointless end as Patrick (Scott Foley) kidnaps Arlene (Carrie Preston) in order to kill Terry (Todd Lowe) and save his own ass. His plan backfires with Arlene stabbing him in the neck with a hairpin (don’t underestimate redheads) and Terry shoots his former friend. Oh, and the fire demon conveniently shows up like an evil version of Mr. Clean to get rid of the body and clean up the mess.
Pam wins the best line of the night award when Tara attempts to have a heart to heart moment Pam replies, “Just because we drank a bitch together, does not make us Oprah and Gayle.” Fangtasia quickly gets turned upside down, along with Pam’s world, as a new Sheriff is appointed and the decree is given by the local monarch (who I thought was Bill??) that it’s now okay to eat humans again. Yay for vampires! Booo for everyone else.
After getting beat up last week, Alcide (Joe Manganiello) has a flashback to when his father (ex-Terminator, Robert Patrick) lectured him about the importance of being in a pack. He then visits his father who is now a drunk and no longer part of a pack…and then he morphs into a robotic killing machine and tears Alcide apart! Alright, the last part didn’t happen but if it had it would have made these scenes much more interesting.
Back at the barn, Russell (Denis O’Hare) and his new BFF Steve Newlin (Michael McMillian) meet the redneck werewolves and feed them vampire blood establishing that Russell still commands his own werewolf army. They then steal Luna’s daughter who’s currently a cute little werewolf puppy. There’s a pretty good chance that Luna isn’t going to be impressed.
With almost all the storylines merged there should be a lot of blood soaked, werewolf biting, fairy lightning throwing action over the final three episodes!
Molly’s gone. Boo! Tina Majorino’s character seemed destined for an early departure, but I still would’ve loved to see her stick around, or at the very least, escape the mayhem so that there was a chance we’d see her again. Alas, she was martyred to the cause of proving just how serious the Lilith worshippers are about eliminating nonbelievers. She went out without groveling, and we got to see a demonstration of her iStake app, so that part was a win.
Meanwhile, Nora and Bill attempted to sway Eric by giving him more Lilith blood. This time, both Nora and Eric witnessed Godric’s appearance. He encouraged them to fight Lilith (whom he says is a godless god), then let Lilith scrape his throat open (gross!) and tear his head off. So once again, we got to see Godric let himself die.
I don’t think this display did anything to change Nora’s opinion of Lilith. But it either gave Eric an opportunity to pretend to have a change of heart, or he really did buy the whole thing and now believes. I’m convinced it’s an act. What other choice does he have right now?
Also going along with it is Jessica, who was brought in by Bill’s guards and immediately saw the symptoms of religious fanaticism in her maker. She seems apprehensive about the situation, but appears to be going along with it for now, probably because she knows she has no other choice.
Hoyt got out of the hospital determined for a fresh start. And by that, he meant a move to Alaska and a memory that doesn’t include his first love cheating on him with his best friend. He begged Jessica to glamour his mind to remove her and Jason from it completely and she complied. It’s probably the happiest kind of ending Hoyt can have, as unfortunate as it is. But it was evident by the way Jessica flashed back to their first kiss, and Jason tried to keep him from leaving town later on that it’ll take a while for them to get over Hoyt’s departure and the knowledge that neither of them have a place in his mind or heart anymore.
Russell didn’t seem all that enthusiastic about the Lilith thing as it was. He was more team-mayhem than anything else, and tonight, he asserted his age and dominance, being the oldest of the Authority vampires, and took off. Before that, he broke out the fancy accent and declared that he “will have the sun.” He seems to be on a mission to either synthesize fairy blood in the way the Japanese synthesized human blood with True Blood, or maybe he’s just going to collect himself a bunch of fairies to see if he can stretch the effects of their blood. There doesn’t seem to be any shortage of them around Bon Temps these days.
Luna and Sam are determined to get to Emma, who is now in the clutches of Newlin. They shifted into mice and made their way into Newlin’s bag. He brought them back to his place and that’s the last we saw of them. Obviously, they can shift to escape, but Emma can’t. She might be able to shift back into her wolf-cub form but it might not be easy for her to escape Newlin’s place that way.
The new sheriff told Pam she needed to help boost the vampire population. That sounds like it falls under the same umbrella of mayhem the authority is trying to create. WIth the True Blood factories destroyed, people are already starting to question how the vampires are surviving. More vampires would mean more human deaths. Pam and Tara were understandably less interested in that than they were in the threat the sheriff laid on them, stating that if they didn’t go along with his plan, he was taking everything away from Pam, including Tara and Fangtasia.
Pam was willing to walk away from the club if that’s what it took, but Tara made the decision easier by cornering the sheriff and chopping off his head. It was a risky move and sooner or later this kind of bloodbath is going to give Ginger a heart attack, but Tara gets points for throwing in the post-slaying one-liner: “Nobody f*** with us in our house.” Being a vampire really suits her.
Sookie killed new-vampire Mike with her chopsticks. Yuck! And also yuck: learning Mike the coroner kept his autopsy photos with his porn on his computer. TMI. Sidenote: What’s the deal with Mike begin turned in the first place? Seems like that might be relevant, given how random his appearance was.
Russell took Newlin out for “Greek,” which for him translates to a frat party massacre. What a romantic date. The two danced, and Newlin seemed to be on board with Russell’s walk-in-the-sun plan. But is Russell just using him? Or is love really in the air?
Sam and Lafayette came through for Jessica by protecting her against some Obama leftovers.
Finally, Newlin had a TV debate with a representative, which he probably won not long after reminding him of the “man to man” time they spent together and telling him if he “probed hard enough” he might see that they’re on the “same team.”
OK, one request I think is appropriate, will someone tell True Blood writers to pencil Roman back in the script. I know I’m not the only one that feels that way.