“Crews Missile” – Has Father’s Poison Pen Letter Gone too Far?

By Dawn Cranfield

“Crews Missile” – Has Father’s Poison Pen Letter Gone too Far?

Nick Crews, and his family have recently made headlines for airing their dirty laundry; he wrote his three children a woefully misguided email detailing how bitterly disappointed he was in their accomplishments.  Crews’ children, all adults now, apparently have not achieved the successes he had wished for them.

Not only was the patriarch of the family disenchanted with his offspring, but his wife was also unhappy, “I for one, and I sense Mum feels the same, have had enough of being forced to live through the never-ending bad dream of our children’s underachievement and domestic ineptitudes,” the email reads.  (cnn.com)

He continues with concern for his grandchildren, “It makes us weak that so many of these events are copulation-driven and then helplessly to see these lovely people being so woefully let down by you, their parents.”

Interestingly enough, one of his children, Emily, thought this was newsworthy; and apparently so does the rest of the world.

Crews has received both criticism and support; Ronnie Burk, the CNN reporter who wrote the piece for the story stated, “Whoa. This is beyond disappointment. This sounds just plain mean,” regarding Crews’ ultimatum to his kids, “I want to hear no more from any of you until, if you feel

Nick Crews

inclined, you have a success or an achievement or a REALISTIC plan for the support and happiness of your children to tell me about.” (cnn.com)

However, many others are staunchly supporting him; the story and support for Crews went viral.

Honestly, I am shocked on several levels.

Sharing this very private email with the world feels like it falls into the category of TMI – Too Much Information. I do not understand the motivation; there is nothing about this scenario that will permit this family to move forward in a healthy manner.  Airing your dirty laundry in such a public way will only serve to allow each of your children to take sides and say, “I told you I was right” or “you should have treated us better”.

If the motive is to preserve a relationship with the grandchildren, I can assure you, alienating yourself from your grown children is not the way to go about it.  By now, your children are who they are going to be.  Period.

I must confess I was on the receiving end of a poison pen letter from my father; he wrote a letter to my sister in 2001.  He photocopied it and gave copies to my brother, my sister, and me with the original to my older sister the intended recipient.  I cannot tell you the details, as he rambled on for a number of pages; I threw the letter away not wishing to preserve the details or commit them to memory.

His letter sparked a bitter feud that divided our family in half; I did not see my parents, my brother or my younger sister for three years.  My older sister and I were on one side of a deep chasm with the rest of our family on the other.  My dad was killed while we were not speaking; he had four grandchildren who grew into teenagers during that time.

The actions caused by the poison pen letter caused a chain reaction; my own children now do not speak to me, I suppose they discovered this was an acceptable way to handle a grievance.  Difficult to unlearn.

So, think twice about whom you would support; the man who fired this missile from the luxury of sitting at his keyboard, or the children who were blindsided by the impact.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/11/30/living/telegraph-nick-crews-email/index.html

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