Single on Valentines Day
How can I move on from my last love?
Single on Valentines Day again, alone at home and wondering where all the other single people are.
But there are some of you who are brandishing a broken heart and wondering how long it’s going to take to move on. The people in your life, who love you, keep saying ‘it’s time to move on’. And you want to; you just can’t seem to figure out why you can’t.
I know it’s not news that emotions are tough. Or that our emotions form part of who we are. I know, not rocket science, right? But I want you to really think about it, bear with me.
When you have that someone special in your life, your emotions tie you to that person; now imagine a piece of elastic from your heart to the one you have lost. They have left, but you haven’t severed that tie, so it stretches and the more they move out of your life the more strained that piece of elastic gets, eventually it breaks and flicks back to leave an enormous bruise, hence the broken heart! And this is also true when a loved one becomes distant. You feel it.
You could also use the analogy of severing a limb. Your emotions are a body part, they’re just not tangible. When you connect to someone, they become attached to your emotion, your body part. So when they pull away or sever all emotional connection, you feel a loss, a gap, a hole. So you fill it with whatever your coping mechanism is. That could be anything from food, empty sex, exercise, alcohol, drugs, anything really. And the longer you use that coping mechanism, the more it replaces your lost love.
Then you find yourself not wanting to connect, because have a new love, and it’s that coping mechanism you replaced your last love with. So, now you have to sever another relationship, the unhealthy one! And chances are that if you go into a new relationship with the unhealthy relationship still attached, you will sabotage it for sure. Because there will be constant competition between the new love and the unhealthy love. You have to make a choice; you know you can’t maintain two emotional relationships at the same time, right? You could ask yourself if that’s the reason the previous relationship broke up, something worth considering.
The kicker is that if you’re true to yourself, you will give yourself the necessary time to heal and for some, that can take a long time. Some never truly recover from a broken heart, and the sad truth is that they could, if only they knew how.
So, here we are, here are a couple of quick and longer term solutions. No, I’m not going to tell you to look in the mirror and say ‘I love you’. Although, that does work too, it just takes a lot longer and is for far more deep-seated emotional issues.
Now, if you learn to sever that elastic from the get go, then you let go more easily. But the question is how you do that. Well there are a few ways, but there are two specific processes that I know of personally, and they both work really well, firstly from my own experience and two, from friends who have gone through the same process. And if done correctly, it can work immediately.
- Lye back, close your eyes and just relax. Breathe in and out slowly, tell your body to relax, think of something that calms you, the beach, sound of whales or the ocean. If you feel safe, you could do this in your car, at the beach, but make sure you lock your door, and obviously not while you are driving!
Now, I want you to picture the person who broke your heart and imagine the piece of elastic that ties the two of you together. Slowly imagine yourself flying above him/her. As you are moving away, connect to your feelings of loss, as you imagine the elastic becoming taught (tighter), and when you’re ready, cut the elastic at the end nearest your heart and imagine their end floating and disappearing below you, as you fly up and away from them, higher and higher, then imagine the tail end of your piece of elastic, melt and disappear into your heart and this is the lesson you keep from that particular relationship. You’re now flying free.You can also read this paragraph aloud and record it into your Ipod, just do it when you’re calm. It will be worth the effort, I promise!
**Note: If you’re imagining your unhealthy relationship, then do the same thing. It could be pizza or excessive exercise. So long as you have an emotional tie to it, you can remove it, using this process.
- Your other option is to purchase a CD/DVD collection that teaches Time Line Therapy. Now, what I have described above is pretty much time line therapy, the difference with the CD/DVD’s is you have a trained therapist taking you through it. If you enter Time Line Therapy into any search engine like Google a whole raft of therapists will come up. My preference is Mark Stephens who is a well-respected therapist and offers not only how to let go of an emotional issue, but also smoking, weight loss and phobias to name a few.
I have no affiliation with his website, but I strongly recommend his products. You could start at http://www.phobiafree.com.au Mark offers many products, so I would contact his staff and ask where they recommend you start. Good luck!
Disclaimer Notice: I’m not a trained counselor, or psychologist of any kind. I’m simply offering you the benefit of my own experiences.
Written by Debra Wattes