Sarah Palin and Wayne LaPierre NRA’s New Stand-up Comedians

"How many Bostonian wish they had a gun two weeks ago?"

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NRA Previews New Stand-up Comedians.

I told myself I wasn’t going to write about this anymore, it doesn’t deserve attention by intelligent people.  But the current NRA convention in Houston has decided to take a different stance this year, they’re launching new comedians with a theme, “stupid is as stupid does.” Who are they?

Let’s begin with the standard bearer of the “guns first” club, Wayne LaPierre.  Now, Mr. LaPierre has had his share of truly dumb things to say, so he had to reach real deep to find something to appeal to this gun worshipping group.

While on stage, the ever insensitive LaPierre said:  “How many Bostonians wish they had a gun two weeks ago?”

Really, Wayne?  After the bombs exploded, who were they going to shoot?  Before the bombs exploded, did you know who they were?  And, if you did, as Desi Arnez used to say, “you got some ‘splainin’ to do”.  He then backtracked and said he was talking about the police lockdown when the manhunt ensued.  “Frightened citizens [were] sheltered in place with no means to defend themselves.”  Does he really believe the rubbish that comes out of his mouth?

But he’s not our champion here.  He will never be a headliner at the “Comedy Club”.  But Sarah Palin might.

The always “folksy” and “air-headed” Caribou Barbie is laughable even if she doesn’t speak.  Maybe it’s the fact that if you look into her eyes, you can see the back wall.  Maybe it’s because she is so smug that she reminds me of “W”, only he was a little smarter.  And wasn’t it cute when she sipped from a Big Gulp at the CPAC?  Well, on stage at the convention the half-governor mocked Mayor Michael Bloomberg once again.  With new taxes in New York City, the price of tobacco products has soared.  She pulled out a tin of chewing tobacco and thought she was even cuter when she said:  “I tell ya, don’t make me do it.”  (Well, maybe I’m wrong, she wasn’t that funny.)

Moving on, let’s feature the unpredictable and always hilarious Rick Perry.

He spouted off enough patriotic slogans to incite a riot inside the convention hall.  He pulled the same old political practice, that if you don’t have something to say, appeal to your audience’s emotions.  What was particularly humorous to me was the video played for the crowd before his speech.  He was shown at a shooting range with an assault rifle.  His accuracy was excellent, but what did it have to do with the purpose of the convention.  Oh, that’s right, it has no purpose other than to promote gun sales.  If Perry were half as good a governor as he is a marksman, Texas would be a better and safer place to live and work.

Next candidate for “mic night”, is Rick Santorum.  The “uber-Religious” former presidential candidate is Yogi Berra-like funny.  He isn’t trying to be laughable, but he is.  His speech produced an emotional response as well, but it was merely pandering.  He called the conventioneers “warriors defending the U.S. Constitution”.  Again, I say “really”.  They are a group totally dedicated to protecting what they believe are their rights, and don’t care about anyone else’s.  But his clincher was when he said that the second amendment and the Bill of Rights “come from God.”  I knew he would find a way to give God credit for something else that was actually created by man.

Finally, I think we have a new “Un-American Idol”, Ted Nugent.  Here is the ultimate hater, and the ultimate gun worshiper.  Let’s begin with his comment in April 2012, when he said:  “If Obama is re-elected, I’ll be dead or in jail this time next year.”  (Neither happened, unfortunately.)  If you didn’t think that was his best, how about what he said when he was in his church, FOX nation:  “social engineering indoctrination camps,” and claims that those “camps” are “Intentionally sending the message to kids and parents alike that guns are evil. Commie community organizer Saul Alinsky  [the polarizing figure who is celebrated for his methods of community organizing] would be proud.”  Just one more, or I’ll split my sides:  “Abortion, not guns, is what’s eliminating the inner-city population.”  (Could Nugent be a racist?)

It doesn’t get any better than this.  Add up all the intelligence quotients of those above, and you get Rush Limbaugh.

James Turnage

Columnist-The Guardian Express

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