Today’s most-recent suicide attempt that we are talking about is Paris Jackson daughter of Michael Jackson. She allegedly cut herself due to being bullied. I see that these past couple of years has been tough for us. We’ve had
shootings; we have head killings even locally where I write this today. Many are due to mental issues. I’m not 100% think that love causes this but mental illness a chemical reaction in our brain that isn’t working quite right for us. It could be due to the chemicals in our water or food that is causing this off balance.
I feel for Paris for if she was being bullied; it’s not fun. I feel at a time I was bullied in school, but I can say I feel I was the bully at times. It may not be physical it is so mental. It sucks being told your crap or your worthless. It hurts I started writing my feelings and when I was young, I didn’t hang out with many people because I didn’twant to say something wrong or be offended if something was said wrong to me. I became a closet case in the way thatIbecame my own friend, I daydreamed of a different world then I lived in and how that shaped some of my writing and ideas. I feel for Paris, I want her to find those people around her that love her to talk with her to get her into counseling and to see a psychiatrist. Yes, medication I’m saying.
You may not like what I say, but things do need to change and people need to help others and not bully them or discard them as if they are nothing. We are all a part of this world so must treat one as if we are treating ourselves. In addition, don’t you want to be treated with love and respect? I sure do.
Here are my views on my life and my medication:
First, I want to say I’m not posting this for notoriety or to become famous. I’m posting this because some are sayingthat those with mental illness can’t do things that can harm others. I say this is bullshit. If you know me, you know what I’ve gone through. I have dealt with mental illness for a few years in the matter of finding what medication works best for me. However, I have had thoughts of suicide and of killing others before.
Many don’t know when I was younger I was depressed a lot and slept a lot and didn’t hang out with the few friends I had because I didn’t feel up to it. I at times wanted to commit suicide because I felt I was worthless and that my life just sucked balls. I say this because my father wasn’t there and then when my parents got a divorce things went south for a time. I must say without my mom and those few friends I had, I would not be here today. I do now have a wifeand a bigger family, but without them and their work with me on going to a psychologist and getting on medication, I would be in jail or dead. Even with the dreams I have I would still think life is not worth living, and at times today I still have my moments of feeling life is worthless.
I want to let others know with mental illness it is a disease and it isn’t funded and thought of as much as I would hope. But that’s the government for you, they even said with my ADHD, Bipolar and OCD that I was fine, and I didn’t need to be on disability while I got my meds worked out. BULLSHIT!
I needed help with money and time to get my head on right because no money was coming in, and we couldn’t live off of nothing. I couldn’t work I just took disability, and they fired me. Now this might not help me to get a job in the future, but I have to tell my story.
We see with tragedy that people come together, but it only lasts a time. It doesn’t last year’s maybe days to months.We need the support 24/7 for us mental cases. Without it there would be way more killings and suicide. I know that my family has gone through a patch were someone did almost commit suicide, and if it wasn’t for an Angel watching over them; they would have surely died. I can’t fathom what it would be like if God wasn’t in my life or at a bit of fait.
If I didn’t have a religion or some sort of upbringing with God in it, I would flip off the sky and say, “You don’t exist and you suck big nuts.” Nevertheless, I can say that things suck balls and life goes on, but without support of family, friends, doctor’s, and medication, we would all be feeling sad because we would either be the one killing or being killed.
I lost so many jobs saying that I wanted to kill this person or that person. I lost my last job due to my disability (my mind was not right. I wasn’t on pills, then later I wasn’t on the right ones). If it wasn’t for me going to school at the time (using my financial aid to live off for three years now), I would have committed suicide again but with school, it kept my mind on my dreams and aspiration going.
When it comes down to the medication, I had no job and no insurance to pay for the pills, so I had to try all the generic, and they didn’t last long on helping me. I had to go with pills that were hundreds of dollars. With that came St. Vincent de Paul without their free medication program, I wouldn’t be here typing this. I know that for a matter offact.
Right now, I am without a couple of my pills (as of December 18th 2012, currently at this time June 6, 2013 I have them all on track again) and it has been for a couple of weeks due to incorrectly filled out papers on St Vincent and the drug companies. I’ve felt the change back, not all the way back, but enough to know the difference and my mind feels like it will explode without the pills, so I do hope they come soon most likely after Christmas, but I know they will come, and I can get back to normal.
In the end, we need to think of mental illness as an illness, there are chemicals in our brains that don’t work rightor aren’t flipping on and off right. With this, it is due to all the process foods and other things in our lives, butwe poor people find cheap as a good thing. If we had fewer stressful jobs and medical bills and bills in general, we would have a fuller and happier life.
But I’ve been without money and had to work my ASS off to get everything my little heart desires, and I say it’s
time to feel free and less stressed and less depressed I will allow my pills to work for me and not against me even
when there is such a negative thought about medication and mental illness.
Written By: Forrest L. Rawls