It seems that after 19 years a couple would be inseparable. Nearly three years after the country singer, Billy Cyrus, filed divorce papers then changed his mind, his wife Leticia had decided to end their marriage and filed for divorce. Now, it looks like Billy Ray Cyrus and wife Tish are going to work on staying married.
It pays to reason that during the course of their union many issues arose. Often times when problems arise within a marriage it seems only a few really get resolved and the remaining simply compound.
At the base of many problems that surface in a marriage, boundaries seem to trump the list. For some reason, once people are married they seem to throw away the ideal of their partner’s boundaries and ignore the very principles that were paramount when they met.
As couples progress in their marriage, they must also work at understanding the three fundamental principles of boundaries.
- Boundaries are useless if no one knows about them but the owner.
- Boundaries must have consequences attached to them.
- Boundaries are not walls to keep people out, but rather identify the property lines of any community.
As human beings in this world each person lives within themselves. This means individuals inhabit their own souls and are responsible for the things that make them unique. But often family members or other past relationships confuse people about their rights and responsibilities of boundaries. As a property owner one would know fully based on the laws of the land what their responsibilities are in relation to their boundaries. In fact, it is everyone’s job to insure the property they claim as theirs is free of debris and dangerous materials. Anyone injured within their boundaries instantly becomes their liability.
Amazingly, people go through great lengths to protect their physical boundaries while ignoring the importance of their marital boundaries. It is going to take much more than a 9mm, security system or barbed fence to secure a stable and growing future for one’s marriage.
Boundaries are of vital importance. They help establish where individuals begin and another ends. They enable people to have their own voice by liberating them with the truth that they have the right to speak up for themselves. In life, like in marriage, it is very difficult to connect with someone who does not respect boundaries or have any for themselves. Relationships will flow more harmoniously when the participants know what to expect and what is expected of them. Often, this seems absolutely normal and expected in every setting except marriage.
What’s interesting is as people develop in life, physical boundaries are much easier to relate to and identify. But emotional boundaries exist in one’s mind until they have the opportunity to express them. People go through great lengths to protect their physical boundaries while ignoring the importance of their marital boundaries. Here are four major boundaries that may affect a marriage:
- Physical Boundaries: How and when you may be touched
- Mental Boundaries: Freedom to have your own thoughts and opinions
- Emotional Boundaries: Forms an internal communication so people may understand themselves
- Spiritual Boundaries: Freedom to experience God without religious obligation or mandates
A successful marriage is composed of two individuals; each with a clear defined sense of his or her own identity. Without their own understanding of self, who they are and what makes them distinctive, it is difficult to engage in the process of an ongoing relationship in a way that functions smoothly and enhances each of the partners. A person needs a sense of self in order to clearly communicate their needs and desires to their partner. When individuals have a strong understanding of their own identity, they can appreciate and love those qualities in their partner that make them a unique person.
The similarities between two people may bring them together but their differences contribute to the growth, excitement and the mystery of their relationship. Learning to have healthy boundaries is an exciting adventure and an exercise in personal liberation. Boundaries are an ever present reality that can increase the capacity of a couple to relate one to another.
According to Tish, “They both woke up and realized they love each other and decided they want to stay together. They recently went into couple’s therapy, something they hadn’t done in 22 years of being together, and it’s brought them closer together and really opened up their communication in amazing ways.” After 19 years of marriage and three children together with five total, unless absolutely necessary, divorce should no longer be an option. The parents of well known actress and recording artist, Miley Cyrus, must agree because they have called off their second divorce filing in three years and have opted to stay together.
by: Cherese Jackson (Virginia)