Most guys get pretty jealous when they’re girlfriend giggles too much at another guy’s jokes, but Miley Cyrus, who is engaged to Aussie-hunk Liam Hemsworth, apparently has the freedom to masturbate on stage, wag her tongue out of her mouth like a horny band-member from KISS, and “twerk” all over Robin Thicke (which is gross on two counts). Are we left to assume that Liam Hemsworth approves of this? That his mom watched her soon-to-be daughter-in-law on television Sunday night and didn’t call him up begging him to back out of it? (His father probably called with the exact opposite request).
Really, Liam? Really? You can do so much better. When you first got together, she had hair, clothing, and at least a shred of dignity, but by now you must’ve noticed that things have changed, right?
Or perhaps they’ve already split and her tweaky-performance was a desperate attempt at a rebound. (Was it good for you, Mr. Thicke?) For starters, she showed up on the red carpet alone, and the couple hasn’t been seen together since August 8th at the premiere of Hemsworth’s latest film, “Paranoia.”
And apparently, it was kind of a strange night out during which they hardly touched and barely talked. Hemsworth was also reported to have been very irritated when asked questions about his fiance.
(And on that note, what about her hairdo? What about the crazy outfits? Groping girls in music videos? What about the constant barrage of sexually explicit behavior that no normal man would be proud to say was the behavior of his soon-to-be wife! Dear God, what will they’re children say when they see that performance in 15 years? “Sis, mom’s a major, crazy slut.”)
According to this YouTube video, Cyrus insists their engagement is still on.
But this young pair have had a bumpy go at their relationship so far–having already called things off at least twice so far–and it might leave you think that behavior this crazy would be the last straw. If you don’t break up with a girl over twerking with Alan Thicke’s baby boy, then what would it take?
Speaking of father’s, what does Miley’s daddy think of her his daughter playing slutty sex kitten all over Alan Thicke’s baby boy? He seemed to be pretty busy tweeting about politics and war, and thanking his “blessings,” but expressed nothing but love and support for his slutty little daughter.
Meanwhile, is Hemsworth secretly a “bad boy” or is he the sweet, responsible person he appears to be and just loves himself a “bad girl”? Can the song of an English Teacher mom and Social Services Counselor father really follow through with a wedding to the sluttiest chick on the internet? Mrs. Hemsworth can’t possibly be sleeping at night this week, not with nightmares of a slutty daughter-in-law giving birth to Robin Thicke’s slutty babies streaming through her thoughts.
What’s next Miley? What will you put Hemsworth through next? How about a threesome with Lance Bass and Nick Lachey? Why don’t you just sign up for a PSA explaining to 14 year old girls across the globe that rubbing your crotch on national television and wagging your tongue out of your mouth like a lost porn-star is the road to success?
Liam, what are you doing? This isn’t a phase, buddy, this is part of who she is. Yes, we understand she can sing, but dude, you do not want your babies to learn about masturbation from their mom’s professional singing career.
Written by: Ginger Vieira