Thank God You Were Able to Get Up Ms. Kidman

NYC Fashion Week

“It was awful, but I got back up.”

Oh my, what happened? Were you fired from a job? Did you lose a loved one? What struggle has befallen you that you are left with little but the strength to let us know you “got back up?” Should we admire your courage? Are we inspired by your flight, like the Phoenix rising from the ashes?

“Luckily I got up but there will be a time when someone does not.”

Is it wartime where you are? Are you trying to rally others for the cause? What can we do to help? Please, please, tell us your plight. Let us help in some way. What on earth happened to you dear?

“I was sideswiped by bicycle paparazzi while walking to the Carlyle Hotel after viewing the Calvin Klein Show, in front row, during Fashion Week in New York.”

Were you injured? No, really, we’re not laughing. Are you injured?

Nicole Kidman“Well, I had to hold my knee when I got up and I had to carry my shoe after it fell off. When I tumbled there were only four or five people to break my fall and they had my arm the whole way down. And since I am thin as a stick, my little bird arm hurts.”

Wait, what? This is the news out of NYC Fashion Week? We could be ogling De La Renta’s spring offerings, which literally takes one’s breath away and cement the reasoning behind our dear Jackie’s use of his talents time and time again. Or we could marvel at Marc Jacobs’ use of the masculine remarking to ourselves that if one chooses to dress ladies in men’s wear, always a stellar choice, at least pick the good ones. Or we could join the collective head scratching at Miss Tory’s collection, which is just a bit off the mark. Or revel in Kate Spade’s spring morsels, wishing for the dollar tree out back to sprout giving us the ability to buy one of each.

Basic problem is; we aren’t important enough to be there, but you are Miss Kidman. In all your gorgeous glory, you deserve it. By the way, the beige body-hugging sheath and the multi-hued pumps—spot on dear. Spot on. And, on your short walk to the Carlyle, where a room goes for a cool $1200 a night and only $38,000 if you’d like to stay for the month, you had to encounter this.

Couple of questions dear—supposedly you hit the ground. The dress is very light beige. Not a single mark on your exquisite behind. Not one. On a New York City sidewalk? Even in front of The Carlyle? Hmmm.

And, as a 46-year-old mother of four and current mother of toddlers, are we to believe you’ve never been jostled about a bit? Just sayin’. You’ve never tripped over a toy, bonked your head or stepped on a Lego? Just trying to get to the bottom of this travesty that befell you on a New York City street coming back from the Calvin Klein Show, with an entourage and gorgeous shoes.

So the story goes, paparazzi came from nowhere and just mowed you down, yes? In the photos of said menace, he appears to be little more than a high schooler with droopy pants, t-shirt and a backpack. He was cited for riding his bike on the sidewalk, not wearing a helmet and reckless driving.

The event is what the New York Daily News labels, “harrowing,” Miss Kidman, referred to as a “starlet,” is said to be furious.

*DISCLAIMER: This is a humorous report and the conversation with Ms Kidman did not take place.*

Written By: Linda Torkelson

New York Daily News Article