Thank God You Were Able to Get Up Ms. Kidman

NYC Fashion Week

“It was awful, but I got back up.”

Oh my, what happened? Were you fired from a job? Did you lose a loved one? What struggle has befallen you that you are left with little but the strength to let us know you “got back up?” Should we admire your courage? Are we inspired by your flight, like the Phoenix rising from the ashes?

“Luckily I got up but there will be a time when someone does not.”

Is it wartime where you are? Are you trying to rally others for the cause? What can we do to help? Please, please, tell us your plight. Let us help in some way. What on earth happened to you dear?

“I was sideswiped by bicycle paparazzi while walking to the Carlyle Hotel after viewing the Calvin Klein Show, in front row, during Fashion Week in New York.”

Were you injured? No, really, we’re not laughing. Are you injured?

Nicole Kidman“Well, I had to hold my knee when I got up and I had to carry my shoe after it fell off. When I tumbled there were only four or five people to break my fall and they had my arm the whole way down. And since I am thin as a stick, my little bird arm hurts.”

Wait, what? This is the news out of NYC Fashion Week? We could be ogling De La Renta’s spring offerings, which literally takes one’s breath away and cement the reasoning behind our dear Jackie’s use of his talents time and time again. Or we could marvel at Marc Jacobs’ use of the masculine remarking to ourselves that if one chooses to dress ladies in men’s wear, always a stellar choice, at least pick the good ones. Or we could join the collective head scratching at Miss Tory’s collection, which is just a bit off the mark. Or revel in Kate Spade’s spring morsels, wishing for the dollar tree out back to sprout giving us the ability to buy one of each.

Basic problem is; we aren’t important enough to be there, but you are Miss Kidman. In all your gorgeous glory, you deserve it. By the way, the beige body-hugging sheath and the multi-hued pumps—spot on dear. Spot on. And, on your short walk to the Carlyle, where a room goes for a cool $1200 a night and only $38,000 if you’d like to stay for the month, you had to encounter this.

Couple of questions dear—supposedly you hit the ground. The dress is very light beige. Not a single mark on your exquisite behind. Not one. On a New York City sidewalk? Even in front of The Carlyle? Hmmm.

And, as a 46-year-old mother of four and current mother of toddlers, are we to believe you’ve never been jostled about a bit? Just sayin’. You’ve never tripped over a toy, bonked your head or stepped on a Lego? Just trying to get to the bottom of this travesty that befell you on a New York City street coming back from the Calvin Klein Show, with an entourage and gorgeous shoes.

So the story goes, paparazzi came from nowhere and just mowed you down, yes? In the photos of said menace, he appears to be little more than a high schooler with droopy pants, t-shirt and a backpack. He was cited for riding his bike on the sidewalk, not wearing a helmet and reckless driving.

The event is what the New York Daily News labels, “harrowing,” Miss Kidman, referred to as a “starlet,” is said to be furious.

*DISCLAIMER: This is a humorous report and the conversation with Ms Kidman did not take place.*

Written By: Linda Torkelson

New York Daily News Article

9 Responses to "Thank God You Were Able to Get Up Ms. Kidman"

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  2. Paul Serrano   September 13, 2013 at 6:02 pm

    Are you serious? The lunatic who crashed into her was speeding recklessly, and illegally on a sidewalk.. the reason he crashed into her was because some non-celebrity pedestrians, who, shockingly were WALKING on the sidewalk impeded him from his speeding drive by of Ms. Kidman, and when he tried to avoid them crashed into her.. to make it out as if Kidman acted like a screaming diva is a total LIE, watch the vid; she remained composed and calm throughout. The photographer, who’s name is Wu, is well know as a jerk who’s despised by even other paparazzi.. Imagine racing down a public sidewalk with people walking everywhere, heedless of the threat he posed to, say a child who could have been in his path. This MORON is lucky he didn’t seriously injure someone. Pathetic piece of psuedo journailsm.

    Reply
    • Kimberly   September 14, 2013 at 10:44 am

      Amen. Bike + pedestrian CAN KILL. Seriously. Ive seen some serious injuries along the lakefront path so.. this article is awful snark against the victim.

      Reply
  3. Shaun   September 13, 2013 at 5:57 pm

    The mean tone of this article made me quite sad. I am glad Ms. Kidman was not hurt. She didn’t deserve this level ire any more than she deserved to be run over by some one looking to profit from her image.

    This “humerous report” doesn’t amuse, inform, educate or enlighten. It just makes the world a little less kind.

    Reply
  4. Robin   September 13, 2013 at 5:56 pm

    You are an idiot. She was hit by a bike. Glad she was able to get back up.

    Reply
  5. Cindi   September 13, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    This author is abrasive. It is frightening to be mowed down. It is worse if you are a celebrity and have to deal with stalking and the syndrome of everyone knowing you, wanting a piece of you. Of course it was horrible. The first thing a mother thinks of is whether or not she is badly hurt and will not be able to be there for her children who need her. Grow some empathy!

    Reply
  6. Damon brown (@King_Nemo_505)   September 13, 2013 at 5:52 pm

    This is what journalism has come to? What a juvenile immature piece…

    Reply
  7. Lori   September 13, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    The pap are rude and aggressive. Seems you are, too.

    Reply

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