On behalf of American males everywhere, let me say “Thank you Bill Clinton”. Yesterday was the 15th anniversary of when you made it so much easier for us to convince our girlfriends that oral sex isn’t really sex and that cheating on our wives was okay as long as we didn’t have intercourse.
On September 21, 1998 your testimony in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee was broadcast over the networks, and you told us, with that sincere look in your eyes that you didn’t have sexual intercourse with Monica Lewinsky and did not have sexual relations. Of course we did learn that she did perform oral sex on you, which led us to believe this was okay, after all if it was okay for the President of the United States why not for us?
Now, I know there were other presidents before you who definitely weren’t saints, “Tricky Dick” Nixon for one and of course there is the hero of the left, JFK, but you brought things to a whole new level. When Nixon lied to us on television he only said that he wasn’t a crook, he never redefined what being a crook was. I guess he knew we would see right through that. And Kennedy, well, he was a lot more careful than you were and didn’t get caught, at least when if he did it wasn’t made public.
And Bill, if you see Hilary, say thank you to her for us as well, since she has been a model for our wives on the best way to act when their husbands are caught in “indiscretions”. She certainly has been a rock throughout your marriage, standing by each time you slipped up. Yes she is a model for women everywhere, sitting next to you and holding your hand during all those television appearances when you explained to us how sorry you were. Just look at all those other wives of Democrats who have since stood by their men, it’s wonderful.
You know Bill, we also appreciate you hanging around in the public eye and lightening up our days when you make comments such as the one you made on CNN’s “Fareed Zakaria GPS” when you said that “the Republicans have a much more reliable media base.” How can we not smile at a comment like this? Don’t the initials CNN stand for Clinton News Network? You certainly knew how to control the media, just look at how they fawn all over another Democrat, President Barack Obama and your wife. Even the left leaning Pew Research Center says that more people believe the media is more liberal than conservative. Of course we should never let the facts get in the way of a good story.
And I suppose at least until the next presidential election we’ll have to get used to seeing you out there campaigning for your wife and reminding us just how lucky we will be to have her as our leader. Some of us might even believe it.
So, thank you again Bill Clinton, you’ve given us a whole new standard to live by.
An Op-ed by Paul Roy