When two people come together and the sparks of interest lure them into the possibility of relationship there are a few things that ought to be considered. Seeing how each person who enters into this chemical equation is a jumble of emotions, childhood programs, expectations and fantasies, when two people bring their stuff to the laboratory of relationship, there is always some experimentation to be done before the perfect product can be realized. Yes, relationships are much like a chemistry lab.
If this mentality could be cultivated upon entering into a new relationship, much hardship would no doubt be avoided. Picture it like this – the relationship is like the chemistry lab and there must be an element of safety present in order for the ‘experimentation’ of love, trust and blossoming to occur. This love, trust and blossoming, however, would be a product of the experimentation – which would include a myriad of possible explosions, foul combinations, learning experiences, healing and humor.
Just like a chemical formula which has not yet been fully realized, one person brings into the experiment something from their past – such as judgments and poverty consciousness, which mixes with the other person’s lack of self worth and need to prove themselves and poof – explosion. If the couple can realize that they are in the midst of a chemical experimentation and not take things personally, but instead hold space for one another to ‘work things out’, the experiment can be greatly sped up and harmony can be more quickly found.
What if you started an actual chemical experiment with your lab partner, but just because the mixture you chose exploded, your lab partner walked out on you threatening to never return? You might not feel like you could try any other combinations, right? It is essential in the lab of relationship, that we give one another and each other the space and time to work through the kinks of the experimentation, go through a few minor or major mishaps, and laugh them all off before arriving at the place of that “perfect combination.”
You bring your mama issues and I’ll bring my need to coddle and we’ll find common ground where we both can let go the ingredients which no longer serve our highest purpose of expression. Often times it is just one person bringing in a pattern that needs healing. The partner is there to simply allow the clearing to take place. If they cannot be trusted to do just that, the one who is bringing their mess to be healed might end up in worse shape then they started. In other words, the space, the lab, must be hermetically sealed from the inside. Both must known that no germs of “separation” can enter in during this most delicate experiment of “you and me.”
Instead of reacting judgmentally to the explosions and foul combinations that may arise in the experiment of “working it out”, the partners can offer applause, cheers and words of encouragement for making it through, yet another layer of blunder, negative self-talk and backwards programming.
No one comes into a relationship already fit to be there. One of the miracles of relationship is the possibility of becoming that exists in the combination of two conscious forces merging. So commit to making it through the fires of the experiment to see if your combination is a winning potion. If not, you are always more prepared for the next round by enduring the one you are in. If you have found the prize elixir, it will be worth every moment you spent in the lab experimenting and letting your demons out together. Love, trust and blossoming find roots in the halls of healing. Allow the chemistry lab of relationship to be a fun experimentation that brings you closer together – even through the likely explosion or two (or twenty two).
Written by: Stasia Bliss