The total number of Louisiana residents able apply and sign up for Obamacare health insurance last month is three. That’s “3” as in 1,2,3, The figures were obtained early Wednesday morning as 27,786,266.5 people were turned away from their computers by a laughing smiley face.
Enrollment figures for October, showed fewer than 40 individuals had managed to complete the process among 36 states accessing Healthcare.gov according to figures obtained from the U.S. DHHS (Department of Health and Human Services).
“Of the limited number of individuals signed up since October, 40% have registered complaints that they actually acquired a virus on the exchange,” said Ned Hypoderm, spokesperson for Black & Blue Cross and Sun Shield of Louisiana.
Two Louisianians have been given the green light to make applications in the marketplace, but one applicant said his modem began smoking a few minutes after he clicked on the “apply” button.
Louisiana’s congressional Republican delegation missed lunch today. Members were sequestered in a “gentleman’s club” and too busy throwing currency on stages and laughing on lap-dance couches to comment on the health care debacle.
U.S. Representative Tea Party member Chamus Sambousely issued a statement saying, “Obamacare is responsible for the deaths of Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy. We need to eliminate it before it attacks the U.S. Navy.”
“I’m beginning to believe in Climate Change, because studies are showing Obamacare is responsible for radical changes in global weather patterns,” said U.S. Representative Farmer D. Citrocel, R-Baton Rouge.
U.S. Sen. Mary Landrover, R-Louisiana was found lying on a park bench in Baton Rouge earlier today. The senator apparently ate a box of Lucky Charms and drank a gallon of milk before passing out on the bench just before dawn this morning. State Sen. Bupkisti Callhousa, said she is optimistic and expects, “…anywhere from six to eight or so signing on by the end of the month.”
By Dennis Fleming