A fact sheet on NASA’s website suggests, in contrast to popular belief, that the sun is actually hot. The discovery appears to have come as a shock to a large group of people and rumors of raving anger have been reported from informants within various activist organizations. This might even, according to members of the scholarly community, go as far as to change the way human beings view the world and the universe in its entirety.
NASA’s fact sheet was stumbled upon by a man, who for the sake of his family’s safety would like to remain anonymous, when he was routinely browsing the internet. After typing the word “hot” into a search engine, one that he was reluctant to name, and searching through what he described as “an ocean of stuff I’ve already seen”, he stumbled upon the secret.
At first, suspecting that the file had possibly been leaked onto the internet by accident, or even put there as a trap in order to catch and track individuals pampering with classified information, he decided to remain silent. Then, after a while, the burden of keeping the world’s biggest secret became too great; “I just couldn’t do it anymore” he said, after a long pause in the interview, one in which the reporter went through five cups of coffee and had to excuse himself from the interview room twice. “Walking out among the people, seeing all those faces, knowing that they were completely unaware” he further added.
According to a word on the street, several people seem to find themselves questioning everything; what it could possibly mean to everything else if the sun is actually hot and how dangerous this might possibly be, and some, for how long the National Aeronautics and Space Administration has been holding back this information.
According to informants, conspiracy theorists are raging, claiming that NASA steps out with an apology for keeping the information, which to them is clearly an immediate threat to life on earth, secret from the public. “The world deserves to know!”, was reportedly written on a wall in Downtown Los Angeles.
A historian was quoted to have said that a man had tried to claim that the sun is hot back in the Renaissance era, but the king, having responded with ridicule: “And what next? Are you going to tell me that the earth is round too? That’s absurd!” The man never spoke again, he said.
A group of scientists that have no ties to NASA, are reported to be working around the clock trying to rediscover how the world works, based on this new information. A press release memo was given out stating the following:
“It has previously been the common conception that the sun, being cold, exits to even out the immense heat generated by global warming and the tremendous amount of hot people, both of which problems are seen at a sky rocketing rate in the state of California. NASA’s new discovery, stating that the sun is actually hot, challenges a lot of what we have come to know about the planet and the universe, and we need to relearn that fast, in order to take appropriate action. We would urge all people to remain calm and stay indoors until we have made sure that the earth is inhabitable.”
While some remain in fear, other people seem to embrace the news. It’s been reported that a travel agency recently announced that it will be offering special “overnight excursion trips” to the sun, and perhaps, that will be the first step to blossoming tourism up there.
In Hollywood, California, the sun seems to be a trending hot topic, and a magazine is said to have nominated the sun for this year’s ‘Hottest Star of the Year’, which apparently is some sort of sought after, trending title. So far, nobody has been reported to have picked up the phone to actually call NASA, but it appears that they have released a fact sheet, according to which, they have discovered that the sun is actually hot.
Satire by Halldor Fannar Sigurgeirsson