There has been no shortage of excitement surrounding the Sochi Olympics, and there have been many roadblocks for Russia at the beginning of the 2014 Winter Games. Here is a Sochi Olympics dos and don’ts guide for making it through the event unscathed.
Do rock the pussy riot sticker on snowboard
Don’t admit that it is the pussy riot sticker on snowboard
Russian snowboarder Alexey Sobolev competed in the men’s slopestyle competition and while waiting for his score, showed the graphics on his snowboard. The picture was of a woman wearing a ski mask and holding a knife, the same outfit that is worn by members of Pussy Riot, a Russian feminist punk rock protest group. Careful though, after Pussy Riot sang a song that was critical of Russian leader, Vladimir Putin, in a church, three members were sentenced to two years in jail. So far, Soboley has avoided confirming the connection between the illustration and Pussy Riot.
Do use the pull-out method
Don’t pull out of scheduled events
TMZ reported that 100,000 condoms were distributed to the athletes in the Olympic Village. Clearly, the International Olympic Committee is attempting to support safe sex. However, when Shaun White pulled out of the men’s slopestyle competition Wednesday, citing safety issues with the course and wanting to focus solely on the half pipe, there was backlash. Competitors said that in tweets that it was because White knew he would not win. Apparently, there is only one acceptable pull out method.
Do make friends with the stray dogs
Don’t kill the stray dogs
Dogs are not man’s best friend in Sochi. The stray dogs have overrun the Olympic grounds and even ended up in some hotel rooms. Much to the chagrin of animal rights advocates, the strays are being killed in order to clear them from the streets. There have been efforts by animal advocacy groups to save as many dogs as possible.
Do be a Russian Figure Skater
Don’t be a Gay Russian
Russian figure skating is a legacy and last night in the team competition Evgeni Plushenko delivered a great routine for the men’s portion of the event, while the Russian pair Tatiana Volosozhar and Maxim Trankov amazed the crowd with their short program. The sport is so beloved to the Russian people and it may be the only place where men are admired for wearing sparkly, tight, flashy outfits. On the other hand, the Russian police arrested a minimum of 14 LGBT activists during opening day of the Sochi Olympics, as they openly defied Russia’s anti-gay laws. It may seem like a double standard, but the Sochi Olympics dos and don’ts are here to guide readers through unscathed.
Do fish in the toilet
Don’t wonder how it is possible to fish out of a toilet
Canadian snowboarder, Sebastien Toutant, tweeted a picture of the Sochi bathroom rules sign, which included a picture with the message, “no fishing in the toilets.” It is unconfirmed whether this was actually a prior problem and if it was, what was being fished from the toilets.
Do enjoy the comforts of the Sochi hotel rooms
Don’t forget to bring your own curtains and water
The Sochi hotel rooms were said to have jaw-dropping amenities like unsafe water, shower curtain-less showers and lamps without light bulbs. Upon arrival, only six out of nine media hotels were finished.
Do pack accordingly for Sochi’s above average temps
Don’t pack a bomb in suitcase and tell flight crew
Today, a 45-year-old Ukranian man on a plane from Ukraine to Turkey attempted to hijack the commercial flight to land in Sochi. He told them he would set off a bomb that was in his suitcase via his cell phone. The crew succeeded in tricking the man into thinking they had landed in Sochi, when really they were in Istanbul, without any harm to anyone. The Ukranian man was apprehended upon arrival in Turkey by special security forces. All the man really needed was an actual flight to Sochi and flip-flops as it is the warmest location of any Winter Olympics.
Do be amazed at the opening ceremonies
Don’t be disappointed about the Olympic ring glitch, Russia’s not
Russia and Putin spent $51 billion on the 2014 Olympic Games with a mission to unveil the new Russia to the world. The opening ceremonies have not yet aired in prime time, but are expected to be an incredible exhibition of Russian pride. There was however, a glitch with the Olympic rings lighting up and then becoming a pyrotechnic show. One ring did not light up. That is what America will see. Not to worry, Russia played the tape from rehearsal to protect the symbolic image of the five Olympic rings.
Do watch Sochi Olympics in real time
Don’t ruin it for everyone by posting it on social media before prime time
It is a technological feat that almost every event from the Sochi Olympics can be streamed in live time. For the night owls, this provides more than infomercials as entertainment at three in the morning, but poses a problem for those who want to watch in prime time. This may be the biggest part of the Sochi Olympics dos and don’ts: don’t ruin it for the prime time watchers by posting on social media beforehand.
Satire by Rebecca Hofland