Actor Jaden Smith was “honored” last night at the 34th annual Razzie Awards, taking home the worst actor award for 2013 because there’s possibly justice in the world after all. Smith captured the Golden Raspberry for his emotionless performance in last years sci-fi-stinker After Earth, which also starred his actual father, Will Smith, as his fantasy father in the film. Not to be upstaged by his own spawn, Will took home a Worst Supporting Actor Razzie, too, for his work in the movie. Jaden, no slouch by any means, isn’t satisfied with just the worst actor of the year title but is looking to double his powers by reaching out to candidate for worst human in the world, Shia LaBeouf, surely to form an insufferable super-duo of legendary proportions.
Shia LaBeouf, the beleaguered actor who has received the dubious notoriety of being a plagiarist (not to mention helping to ruin the long awaited Indiana Jones sequel), just recently finished starring in his own sad art exhibit, #IAmSorry. Shia is sorry because his directorial debut, a short submitted to Cannes entitled HowardCantour.com, was an almost duplicate rip-off of a graphic novel by Daniel Clowes. His subsequent apology for plagiarizing Clowes work was a plagiarized from an anonymous Yahoo! Answers post. Then he decided he was going to write graphic novels himself and released two which contained lines originally written by authors Charles Bukowski and Benoit Duteurtre. He then issued apologies for lifting those lines, which were plagiarized from the likes of Tiger Woods and Kanye West and on and on. Now LaBeouf is trying to further his career Joaquin Phoenix style, starting with his art exhibit, where the everyday American can sit at a table across from Shia while he wears a bag on his head that reads “I am not famous anymore.” How meta.
Enter current worst actor of the year, Jaden Smith, to reach out to Shia Labeouf. To give you a brief resume, Jaden is an actor, rapper, karate master, “prolific” tweeter, and crown prince of the most annoying family in Hollywood (yes, worse than the Kardashians). That family is, of course, headed by mega-star-actor, rapper, and author, Will Smith, and his wife, Jada Pinkett, who is also an actor, rock star, and author. Youngest child, Willow, is an actor too, but at just 13-years of age is known widely as a pop-music artist who’s single Whip My Hair went platinum. Is there anything this family can’t do?! The kids are even named after mom and dad and they all work in the entertainment industry doing the same things!
So, Jaden Smith had a message for Shia and went to see LaBeouf at his art exhibit, because that’s totally something he would do, but was unsuccessful in meeting the Transformers star. As a gift for the masses, he turned to Twitter instead, writing, “I’m Here If You Need A Fellow Insane Person To Talk To.” (sic) Dork chills instantly shot across the internet as Smith followed up in another tweet: “It Was A Message That Only Could Be Understood Artist To Artist.” (sic) He ended his tweet with, “I Believe In What Your Doing.” (sic) At least someone does.
Some can see it already, coming Summer 2016, Shia LaBeouf and Jaden Smith star in Bad Boys 3, a Michael Bay production. The end is nigh because a film that repellent should easily trigger the apocalypse. The best advice is, in the immortal words of Maynard James Keenan, “Learn to swim.”
Opinion By Matt Stinson