Ah Burger King, loved by people across the globe for two main reasons; the first being that it provides us with the copious amounts of junk food we need to survive in a world filled with vegetables and fruit, and the second being that it is one place you are pretty much guaranteed not to run into Kim Kardashian. I’m not saying she’s stick thin, on the contrary in terms of 21st century celebrity physique she’s practically gargantuan, but the notion that she might step down from her deluded pedestal to join the ranks of mere mortal fast-food outlet enthusiasts is one not many of us can comprehend. That being said, it might all be about to change because Kanye “Beyonce had one of the best music videos of all time” West has just bought Miss Kardashian 10 Burger King outlets if reports from the Daily Star are to be believed.
The American hip-hop artist, known for his musical offerings, philanthropy, and general air of glaring arrogance, already owns several Fatburger chains in Chicago himself, and appears to be attempting the largest game of Monopoly ever played. He proposed to Kardashian on her 33rd birthday (October 21, 2013) and with their wedding rumoured to be pencilled in for June this year, coupled with the fact that celebrity marriages end in disaster 100% of the time, you can expect to hear about their divorce by early 2015.
Now these rumours originated in Britain, and everyone is aware that British reporters are compulsive liars (I should know, I’m one of them) so perhaps the suggestion that Kim Kardashian was bought a few Burger King outlets by Kanye West is a little flimsy in its nature, but that won’t stop us enjoying the absurdity of such a hypothetical situation either way. In a wonderful twist, Burger King has become aware of the story and, whilst they will not confirm nor deny its accuracy, has offered to cater the West/Kardashian wedding when it finally occurs.
We shouldn’t make fun, the couple’s relationship is a benchmark for us everyday people to aspire to, developing whilst Kardashian was still legally married to NBA player Kris Humphries, boosted by the birth of their baby daughter out of wedlock (inexplicably named North West for attention-seeking purposes) and possibly culminating in a fast-food endorsed wedding that will most likely mark the beginning of an uphill struggle to find more ways of becoming noticed by a population that will gradually stop caring. Isn’t that what we all want in life?
In any case it has been a rocky road for the pair recently, facing backlash against their appearance on the cover of Vogue by a giant’s handful of less-than-impressed Twitterers who feel they might not have done quite enough to deserve such an honor. In a personal favourite comment of mine, somebody states that the only qualification one needs to be in Vogue these days is to either be able to take a [gentleman’s appendage] or be one. Funny stuff, and my fury for not thinking of it first is boundless.
Until these 10 Burger King outlets apparently bought for Kim Kardashian by Kanye West start selling perfume or undeservedly appear on another high-profile magazine cover, we might never know if the story is true, but we can only hope for the people that like their burger joints to stay in-business, that it is not.
Opinion by Zachary John