Oh goodness, I do hope I’ve used the correct spelling of “heroine” in the title or this could become a completely different article about Jennifer Lawrence and her current role in Hollywood …
According to the law of fame, there is one aspect of a person’s character that can have them liked no matter who they are/what they’ve done/how long they’ve spent in jail, etc. It is an element that resides in the large majority of people that aren’t famous, but for some reason is seen as far more amiable in the so-called “A-List” celebrities that litter our television screens and computer monitors and phone displays and
masturbatory fantasies every day. If one possesses this mental attribute, they are viewed by the general public as perhaps closer in status to us mere mortals, and the kind of person (to relay a sickeningly overused phrase) we all might like to “just sit down and have a beer with.”
I know what you’re all thinking, “Just hurry up and tell us what it is Zach, we’re getting bored,” and so I shall. The trait I speak of, is being grounded. If someone in the fortunate possession of fame is grounded, then it is a clear signal that they haven’t fallen prey to the arrogance, selfishness and general pomposity that has befallen the thousands before them. At the moment, it is widely accepted that Jennifer Lawrence is one of, if not the most grounded person in show business in relation to her rank in the popularity table, and is therefore a Hollywood Heroine. However, I’m not so sure Ms Lawrence should be idolised so fervently just because she is the lesser of two evils.
Let’s take some time to get into the mindset. I’m Jennifer Lawrence, I’m an actress and from what I’ve read in the press I’m going out with Nicholas Hoult (although why I’d do that is beyond me). I have so far devoted my existence to getting noticed but now recoil at the sight of people noticing me. My life’s work to obtain perfection in my occupation has been wasted as I have misplaced the statue used to commemorate it. I have trouble walking on both indoor steps and red carpets.
Ok, now we know the girl inside and out. In reality, those characteristics could be used to describe any humdrum average Joe/Jolene in the world, right? I mean, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been hounded by the paparazzi about the content of my next article for the GLV, or the amount of awards I’ve simply misplaced over the years, or how difficult I find it to walk down a strip of red material lined with photographers and fans (carpets are for indoors only, dammit!).
I guess, in a paragraph dripping with concentrated sarcasm, what I’m trying to say is that it is unfortunately impossible to be grounded as a man or woman that experiences such alien scenarios to the rest of the population. A person that has swum in the glorious ocean that is wealth and fame will never come out and be as dry as those that haven’t, and being dry is good … It’s a metaphor, just accept it.
Now, as Jennifer Lawrence does a spot of house-hunting in London (which becomes less of a novelty and more of a past-time the richer you get) we can enjoy her presence on Earth slightly longer until she flies back off to magic land in LA, whether the Hollywood Heroine wants to or not.
Satire by Zachary John C