Have you ever dated someone and after a while, he just fled and stopped calling? Did you ever go on a date and he never called you afterwards? It is one of the best feelings in the world when you meet someone, especially if the interest is mutual. But often it happens that the original euphoria passes. And this brings us back to the good old stereotypes about men and women. Sometimes I ask myself if we are really so predictable when it comes to the relationships with the opposite sex and I cannot believe how this is confirmed over and over again.
This time, I am wondering why men never call back and almost disappear from the face of the Earth, while on the other hand, women do not endure without at least partial expectations, which ultimately lead to disappointment. What is the trick? For starters, let us imagine a completely fictional situation: we have an interesting mister and an attractive lady, who recently met by coincidence of fate through an XY person or they just found themselves at a certain moment in a certain place and made that famous first contact.
In that precise moment, they only know one thing: they are pleasant to each other for no particular reason and neither of them is growing any expectations or desires to another yet. They exchange a few words at first, which soon turns into a chat about everything and everyone in this world. Amazing how funny and interesting they seem to each other. In the end, they exchange telephone numbers or just let the first date in a beautiful memory, with no promises to meet again. In this case, woman will find it hard to resist the temptation of searching this man, especially if she is really interested in him. Woman will do that, even though she knows that she should let the man do the job and find her, as dictated by the sexual tradition, which is not written anywhere, but it still leads our lives.
If a man and a woman exchanged their numbers, the situation remains almost the same, as our lady will probably find it difficult to cope with the desire to type those numbers and call him. If she is a more conservative type of woman, she will eagerly await and slow down her furious pulse, caused by every message that she will receive.
The first date is (logically) followed by the second one. Since the first date was apparently successful, they both feel the need to see each other once again. They often do not know exactly why, as they just want to get to know each other a little bit better. If the second date was successful and the attraction between a man and a woman strengthened, the next question will be: when will they see each other again? If they both really like each other, the next meeting will happen very soon, possibly even the next day, because they both feel an unbearable desire to spend time together, no matter what they are doing.
If, however, during their time together, man realizes that the relationship between the two of them could become a bit more serious or that it may lead to a relaxed dating, or maybe just friendship, then the whole thing is over. Completely. It could be just a tiny gesture; how she always corrects her hair, or how a word is pronounced, perhaps only because she puts brown sugar into her coffee and not white, it does not matter. Y-moment is marked by a moment of ‘enlightenment’, when male specimen realizes that the woman simply ceased to attract him, but the interesting thing is that a woman can never know exactly when this infamous Y- moment happened. At this point, the whole thing can get really complicated, especially if a kind of quasi promise of a call or re-seeing was left hanging in the air. Of course, none of this occurs, because the man does not call anymore.
And here is the second big question. Why men do not call after a date? Although woman had a great time on a date, she is often sad afterwards, wondering what she did wrong that the man does not call. Many men have no idea how much a woman wishes for their call after a date. If a man does not call the next day, it does not mean that they do not like a woman. A woman instinctively expects the call after a date, because she is convinced that if you really like someone, you have to show him that. If a man calls after a date and uses a tone of voice that expresses affection, the woman is calmed. For a woman, keeping in touch is a way to show that she likes someone, but many men refuse to call, because they believe that it would harm them to show that they are depended on the woman. Men instinctively know that they should not show if a certain woman is very close to their heart, or that they need her.
When a man finally calls a woman, she is already really angry because she was hardly waiting and wondering whether he will ever call. Many men do not know that they will attract the woman even more if they will call her after the date and tell her that they had a good time with her. It is like music to woman’s ears when a man lets her know that he likes her. If a man looks self-confident, he is not only more attractive to a woman, but he also calms her down with his words.
Here are the three reasons why it is a good thing to call a woman after a date:
- He should call so that the woman can speak about a date, even if the man does not have anything special to say.
- He should call to check whether the attraction between them has increased or decreased.
- If nothing else, he should call at least out of politeness and good manners.
Men, however, often do another big mistake. They think that by not calling, they are ending the relationship in a friendly manner. There are cases when women were angry at the man for years, because after a few dates, he no longer called. Therefore, it is a good thing to always call, whether we continue the relationship or not. Men find it difficult to say phrases like: “I had a nice time with you. Thank you and I wish you good luck in your life.” The fact is that women want to hear such statements so that they know where they stand.
The first few days, we still blind ourselves by thinking that he will call eventually. Then after a while, we figure out that he has apparently changed his mind and we start thinking why, what have we done wrong and what the hell is wrong with us. Some women are more direct and they face with men, who did not call. However, they always get one and the same excuse in response: ‘Currently, I do not want to get close or relate to anyone, I’m not ready.’ And if we are lucky, there is an even more complex explanation: ‘I was in a relationship and I was hurt.’ Hey guys, I have got news for you. Virtually every person was in a relationship, and because they usually end up in a way that at least one of the partners is hurt, this is nothing new. Deal with it once already, first with your past and then with yourself. Loading a thousand times heard excuses is already a passé and it does not benefit anyone.
And here is the answer to the main question: men flee and do not call after a date, because they cannot directly deal with unpleasant situations and because they do not like deep conversations. On the other hand, women are still expecting (according to the men too much) because they usually get a bunch of positive signals from men, until one day they simply disappear from the face of the Earth. But I tell you: You can run, but you cannot hide. One day everything turns around.
By Janette Verdnik