The shocking news came out today that Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith have broken up after “falling out of love.” They had been married for 18 years, and seemed, by all outward appearances, to be a rock-solid couple, but friends say the flame went out of their relationship a long time ago. The split has left some people shaking their heads and wondering what went wrong. Cheating rumors are flying, and the gossip rags are out in full force. If it is true that the couple simply fell out of love with each other, how did it happen? In trying to answer this question it is important to take a look at what the root causes are of falling out of love.
Human beings are a rare breed in the animal kingdom; most species do not participate in monogamy. Humans, on the other hand, have adopted a societal and forced monogamy that is not proven to be natural or inborn. If it were, more than half of all people would not cheat. Statistics show that up to a whopping 72% of married men cheat and up to 50% of married women step outside the martial bed. It is clear to see, then, that the argument can be made that monogamy is not a natural primary behavior in humans. When speaking of non-married couples, those numbers undoubtedly rise even higher.
Due to the unnatural confines of monogamy that humans place on themselves, they often become resentful of their spouses. This resentment can in turn lead to a loss of romantic feelings and eventually, the complete collapse of the relationship. According to Psychology Today, the desire for sex with other partners is one of the top ten reasons why people can find themselves falling out of love. In the case of Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith, no affairs have been confirmed, but it is difficult to imagine that either of them have never been tempted. After pictures surfaced last year of Banderas dirty dancing with an attractive woman on a yacht, rumors began circulating in the press that he was having an affair. He was also spotted kissing a woman at a nightclub. Divorce talk began soon after.
Melanie Griffith has also been in and out of the tabloids over the years, as well as being in and out of rehab. Her on and off drug use also served to put a strain on the couple’s marriage. Indeed, the rumored affairs and Griffith’s illness may have served to plant the seeds of resentment. Another risk factor for falling out of love is the inability to feel joyful in the relationship. Certainly, a problem that would require multiple stints in rehab may have served to strip the happiness and playfulness from the marriage.
Other risks include lack of communication, a feeling of “growing apart,” and a lack of shared interests. For couples interested and invested in staying together, it is important to look at the risk factors that can cause falling out of love so that both parties can avoid ending up like Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith. Some couples who have worked through these risks and have managed to stay together have done so through therapy, which can help a couple determine if there is hope for the relationship or if it is time to say goodbye.
By: Rebecca Savastio