General Motors Cars Are Definitely Not Kavorkianesque

General Motors

General Motors has been all over the news lately, with over 11 million “not Kavorkianesque” cars by the beginning of this month; they are definitely nearing a record. The wording is not simply a joke; Kavorkianesque is among a list of over 100 words that the company thought up to specifically tell workers not to use. With such a lengthy list, their PR department must have been working overtime to achieve an astronomical number over 100. Yet despite all the negative press, GM is experiencing some of their highest sales since the stock market crash of 2008. The stats are actually quite impressive, Ford alone saw the highest sales for the month of May in a decade, by a figure of 6%; Chrysler and its subsidiaries saw a 17.4% increase over the last year, lead mostly by Jeep and Dodge RAMs, which is not too-too surprising as they are usually quite popular in the U.S. Maybe the increase is due to the fact that people just love General Motors for being the first major auto company to appoint a female CEO, Mary T. Barra, so much so that they are willing to forgive the estimated 3 million plus deaths due to their cars ‘not performing optimally.’

The accusations are almost inconceivable.  Many observers speculate that over 3 million deaths are due to a slew of various problems that reach back over 10 years, and still General Motors is sticking to its guns and denying responsiblity.  According to GM’s calculations, only 13 people have definitely been ‘assisted’ by their Karvorkianesque cars.  The number is about the same amount as if a bus exploded (obviously not their words).  The figures include the latest allegation that came out just yesterday, wherein an investigation Fatality Analysis Reporting System (FARS) disclosed that an estimated 74 people died due to airbags failing to deploy during head on collisions. Unfortunatey, head on collisions are the least likely to occur in a motoring situation, imagine how many other collisions of the type more likely to occur which did not involve life saving airbags, or even just concussion saving.

This was not just any group of people pointing the finger at GM.  A group of people that dedicate their lives to the difficult task of investigating human fatalities has said that GM is responsible for two large classrooms worth of deaths. More sickening than that is the only repercussion to date was a $35 million fine discussed by Mary Barra and the federal government; $35 million being about equivalent to one day’s profits for the company. Even if it is proven that GM lied, which is certainly possible because there have been reports that some of the defects were discovered even before the cars left the assembly line, the concept of corporate personhood allows the company to chalk up the defects as a simple mistake, which people are allowed to do. Unfortunately for all, a corporation is not person making a mistake, it is millions of people with billions of dollars at their disposal refusing to address said mistake. For example, everyone has at some point left a faucet just barely on causing it to leak incessantly.  Everyone can accept that accidents happen, but what is not acceptable is millions of people just walking by this faucet while who knows how many drops are wasted.  The situation is particularly galling when the people walking by include hundreds who are paid specifically to inspect the aforementioned faucet. To take the example further, the faucet is actually dropping people, and they are being “wasted” by Grand Theft Auto’s definition of the term. Sadly, the faucet example is similar to what appears to have occurred.

General Motors has recalled millions of cars due to a faulty ignition switch, which may sound innocent, but in actuality a faulty ignition switch is dozens of times more dangerous than maxing out your speed. If you are driving and suddenly the tumbler that keeps the key in place malfunctions, every one of the safety features modern cars have are disabled. GM has admitted millions of cars were on the road in this exact condition, with 13 counts of homicide due to negligence. Maybe that is not what General Motors meant, what they are trying to say is that among the countless speculated deaths 13 people were definitely planning on committing suicide while driving their cars and they were indeed responsible for a “Kavorkianesque” act of mercy killing.


General Motors


Opinion by Eddie Mejia

USA Today

You must be logged in to post a comment Login