Humpday was here again, and The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon had great guests, as usual, like Fallon’s first guest, Mark Wahlberg (The Gambler). Jimmy fallon played Slapjack with Wahlberg later in the show. Also, the hilarious comedian, Kevin Nealon, was on hand as Fallon’s second guest, and did a terrific comedy stand-up routine, and Steve Carell also dropped by to sing Sexual Healing with Fallon.
Jimmy Fallon welcomed his audience at the beginning of the the Tonight Show. Then, he did his comedy monologue, cracking jokes about news in today’s headlines. Some of the jokes from Fallon’s monologue follow, in a slightly paraphrased form.
“Here’s what people are talking about,” Jimmy said. “I saw that President Obama recently sat for a 3-D image of the president. Check this out,” he said, showing an actual video that ended with a toy figure of Obama.
“During a recent interview, Jeb Bush’s brother, Neil, said that their mother recently said that Jed would make a good choice for president. She guessed, anyway.’
“Some researchers have claimed that, due to climate change, the population of reindeer are declining. Santa’s affected the most. ‘On Dancer, on Dasher, on Uber, on Vixen –it just doesn’t sound right.”
Then, Jimmy Fallon showed a clip of a two-year-old trying to make a routine two-foot putt, and failing, then having a tantrum. It was kind of funny, but the little guy was really broken up at not having made the putt.
“Cheerios is releasing a new 7-grain cereal next year,” Fallon said, naming off the grains that will be in it. “It will be the first time that the prize at the bottom of the box is the bottom of the box.”
The Roots played Jimmy Fallon to his desk, then Fallon talked about the guests that would be on the show later in the week. He said that tonight, Mark Wahlberg would be by, and he would play a new game, Slapjack, with him.
Then, Jimmy Fallon gave away a sweater, because this is a part of the “12 Days of Christmas Sweater.” He called out #289, and when the woman stood who won the sweater, Fallon ran up the aisle to give it to her. “We’ll be right back with more of the Tonight Show,” he said, and the show went to a commercial break.
Announcer Stave Higgins introduced ‘The Ragtime Gals,’ a barbershop quartet with Jimmy Fallon, Steve Carell and two others singing Sexual Healing, in the style of a barbershop quartet song. It was pretty AMAZING! After that, the Tonight Show went to another commercial break.
“Our first guest stars in the new movie, The Gambler. Ladies and gentlemen, Mark Wahlberg!”
Mark said “Congratulations, by the way, on little Frannie,” referring to Fallon’s new baby daughter, Francis, born just last week.
“Do you embarrass your children?” Fallon asked.
“Yes, but unintentionally. I have to give them a kiss goodbye on the playground when I drop them off. My daughter has done about ten plays in school so far,” Mark told Fallon.
“Were you in any school plays?” Jimmy asked him.
“I was an Oompa Loompah in the play Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” Wahlberg answered.
“Did you wear orange makeup?” Fallon asked.
“It was a public school. They didn’t have much of anything,” Wahlberg said. He told Jimmy Fallon that The Gambler is a remake of a James Caan movie. He said he invited Caan over to his house and some other actors from the original movie and offered them drinks and showed them the movie.
“Do you know much about gambling? Are you a gambler?” Fallon asked.
“No, I am not,” Mark replied. “My father was a bad gambler, too, but he won $1,500 once that he put down to buy the only house we ever lived in before.”
Wahlberg told Fallon about asking some wealthy Chinese businessmen for all the cash they had in their pockets, winning $45,000 on Blackjack, then losing it all on one spin at the Roulette table. He said “I literally saw billionaires betting $5 million on the flip of a coin.” Then, Fallon showed a clip from the movie The Gambler. It looked like it will be a pretty intense, engrossing flick.
When The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon came back from the commercial break, Jimmy and Mark Wahlberg played Slapjack. First, Fallon explained the rules as they sat at a small round table, and said that “It is the same as Blackjack, but the winner of each hand gets to slap the loser across the face with a giant prosthetic hand.”
Jimmy asked for another card, but Mark said “Are you sure?”
He asked for another card and went over, so Mark hit him with the giant hand. Then, Mark went bust on the second hand, and Jimmy Fallon nailed him with his prosthetic giant hand.
The third hand of Blackjack, Fallon again went bust. This time, it looked like Wahlberg slapped Fallon pretty good with his giant fake hand.
The fourth hand, neither one went over, but Wahlberg beat Fallon. He won the overall competition, and got to slap Fallon once more. Then, The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon went to yet another commercial break.
“Our next guest is the hilarious SNL alum, please welcome the very funny Kevin Nealon!” Fallon said when the show returned. Kevin immediately began his stand-up routine.
“We just got an electric car,’ he said. “It’s in the shop right now, while they put in a gas engine. This thing is a babe magnet. I’ve got a wandering eye, but luckily, the other one is a lazy eye, so they cancel each other out.”
“I often get asked what my best pickup line is — I say ‘Baby, are you awake?”
“This year, I’ve decided to take more risks in life. By that, I mean, try out new foods. Last week, I went to this Korean restaurant. Terrible, terrible, foo. I have a friend who is afraid of getting rare diseases. Everyone has their own fears. Mine was sharks for a long time. Now, it’s chimpanzees. They go for your face first, then your crotch. I’m not talking about the cute vest-wearing chimpanzees.”
“At least, with a shark attack, there’s no drama. you get pulled down and your friend say ‘Where’s Kevin?’ and another one says ‘He’s probably at the snack bar.’ With chimpanzees, they sneak up behind you, riding a tricycle. They rip off your jaw first. Then, they go for your crotch, but by then, I wouldn’t feel like having sex anymore, anyway. I remind you, I’m married.” That was basically his stand-up bit, though paraphrased. Then, the Tonight Show went to yet another commercial break.
Kevin told him congratulations for having both won the “Entertainer of the Year,” award and for also having a new baby. He told Fallon he liked to golf and was in a championship and everyone leans in, thinking you are a “professional.” He tells them to “stand back; I’m not very good.” He mentioned hitting a lady in the forehead, but the ball bounced off, landed on the green, and got pretty close to the hole.
“Laugh Lessons With Kevin Nealon,” Fallon said, talking about the Internet show that Nealon has. Kevin mentioned quite a few big-name comedians who have been on the show, like Sarah Silverman, Chelsea Handler, Dave Spade and others. They teach kids comedy concepts like sarcasm.
That brought The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon to an end. It was another terrific show, with special guest, Steve Carell, stopping by to sing in a barbershop quartet with Fallon. Then, Mark Wahlberg talked about his family and his new upcoming movie, The Gambler, with Jimmy Fallon and played Slapjack with him. Kevin Nealon closed the show with a funny stand-up routine and brief interview with Fallon. Check out the video clip below of Jimmy Fallon singing Sexual Healing with Steve Carell!
Written By Douglas Cobb
Jimmy Fallon and Steve Carell Sing Sexual Healing