Kandi Burruss-Tucker regrets opening up too much about her marriage issues on The Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA). Kandi and Todd Tucker have been married for less than a year and have experienced many of the issues newlyweds deal with. The unfortunate thing for this couple is their entire relationship has been recorded on the show.
Kandi and Todd met on the set of RHOA while Todd worked as a production manager of the show. As a result their dating life, family drama and marital issues have all aired on different seasons of the franchise. During a recent episode Kandi revealed suspicions that her husband could possibly be cheating on her. This fueled accusations her mother has thrown at Todd as well as other drama from viewers the singer is not proud of.
The reality personality has always been pretty open on the show and to her defense is still a newlywed and may not possess a clear understanding of boundaries necessary to develop a healthy marriage. She recently stated on her blog that after they joined in marriage Todd had to spend a great deal of time in Los Angeles working on his new show. This resulted in the couple, who was used to being together every day, having to adopt a new normal which included weeks apart.
Admittedly, things were a bit tense in the beginning but Kandi and Todd have adjusted and are now getting along great. The songwriter regrets airing her dirty marital laundry on television and has learned that it is not healthy to expose every detail of her relationship on air.
Todd has been the victim of much criticism since the couple began seriously dating. Mama Joyce, Kandi’s mother, has been overwhelmingly hard on him – almost to the point of destruction. She accused the producer of cheating on her daughter, wanting to marry Kandi just for her money and of being a user. Although Kandi has always supported Todd and made the decision to marry him against the advice of her mother, and other viewers who sided with Mama Joyce, she could not shield him from her mother’s vehement attacks.
Although those comments were made by Kandi last year during the taping of the show which allowed viewers an inside reel of that season of their marriage, this proved to be embarrassing for the Fly Above singer. Todd recently lost his mother and the last thing Kandi would want is to bring more pain or agitation to the man she loves.
It is no secret when it comes to marital woes boundaries seem to trump the list of many problems that have the to potential to surface. Of course, it is much easier to understand and govern oneself by the concept of boundaries in a union that is less public. Although the challenge is greater when the couple’s lives are played out on a reality show, it does not lessen the importance.
In order for a marriage to be successful some things must remain sacred, even if other portions of the couple’s lives are open territory. A marriage is composed of two individuals but they must have a clearly defined sense of their own identity. That means they must possess a healthy understanding of self and what makes them unique. Each person must also strive to understand their partner’s uniqueness in order to function in an ongoing relationship that will run smoothly while enhancing each other.
When boundaries are not clearly communicated and respected unnecessary drama, and in their case public ridicule, is unavoidable. Too often past relationships as well as family members confuse couples about their rights and responsibilities as it relates to boundaries. When private matters are leaked into already suspicious ears they fuel outside involvement and add unwelcome stress.
Kandi is learning that having healthy boundaries is an exercise in personal liberation and encourages marital bliss. They are an ever-present reality that can increase every couple’s ability to relate one to another. Marriage is work and in the absence of boundaries there exists a heightened opportunity for issues to surface causing conflict and strain.
The reality star wanted to clarify that she and Todd are doing great since that part of the show was recorded. They are still newlyweds with a blended family who is adjusting to the pressures of everyday life. They face many of the same issues as other couples in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, but Kandi wants to make it known they are in it to win it and she regrets airing her dirty marital laundry on the Real Housewives of Atlanta reality show.
Opinion by Cherese Jackson (Virginia)