Dating today can be crazy! The reality is, more than ever people from every background are finding themselves single and ready to mingle. Just check all the television ads that flood networks daily boasting that a membership with them will nearly guarantee you will find love and companionship. But here you are, still single.
I am going to tell you something most of your friends never will … a great part of the reason you are single is “You!” I know that may sting a bit, but trust me it is for your own good. In the words of Whoopi Goldberg in the movie “Ghost”…
You in trouble, Girl!
This blockbuster film that hit the screens (many of you are too young to have seen it in the theater) the summer of 1990, “Ghost” debuted starring Patrick Swayze as Sam, Demi Moore as Molly, Goldberg as Oda Mae and Tony Goldwyn as Carl and was an instant classic. Spawning gross sales internationally of nearly $300 million. The film was nominated for five Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Best Score, and Best Film Editing. It won the awards for Best Supporting Actress for Goldberg and Best Original Screenplay. Swayze and Moore both received Golden Globe Award nominations for their performances, while Goldberg won the BAFTA, Golden Globe, and Saturn Awards in addition to the Oscar.
One of my favorite scenes is when Oda Mae is trying to relay the impending danger to Molly about Carl. You see, in the movie, Carl was the protagonist who was responsible for Sam’s murder unbeknownst to Molly. Carl had managed to earn the trust of Molly through her grief. Sam was desperately trying to warn Molly through the medium of Oda Mae. At the climax of the scene, Oda Mae belts out her infamous line, “Molly, you in trouble girl!”
Dating isn’t a mysterious vortex where you need a sage guide to usher you through safely. It’s mostly common sense. As a coach specializing in relationships, I speak to dozens of clients on the matter. My conversations are primarily with women, who far too often, are usually looking for the “secret sauce” on getting a great relationship. I have been reviewing some notes and found three key reasons dating isn’t working for you.
(1) You are too negative: There! I said it. I learned a long time ago that how I speak bears a direct reflection of what I see manifest in my life. Before you roll your eyes and label me a “nut” who believes in manifestation, think about what I am saying. Science backs the claim that your inner perspective affects your outward life. Think of a time where you were bubbling with good energy. Even when your day became challenging, resilience showed up as well. Remember this, a cynical heart is closed and cannot see the perspective of a better mate.
(2) You’ve been living off misinformation: Ask yourself, “Where do I get most of my information about dating?” Chances are, you are judging your future mate based on the failures of past relationships, magazine articles written by women about men or through the bitter filter of a woman scorned. All wrong! Unfortunately, most women I have coached were grossly misinformed about dating. It’s always amazing to me the amount of bad baggage we collect along life’s journey and try to force into a workable truth. The only thing to do is trash it, admit you don’t know what you don’t know and seek input from someone with a better vantage point.
(3) You Won’t Put In The Work: Work is a dirty four letter word to some. Any area of your life you are truly seeking a change in will always require work on your part. Seminars are great. Books do wonders. But until you buckle down and start the journey of self-discovery and deal with the issues, change will not happen. If you’ve been hurt, honor that space by deciding to heal. If you can’t seem to trust, seek assistance to get over the hump. Staying the same and complaining about it is tantamount to insanity.
In the end, Sam was reunited through the spirit world with Molly. Carl got exactly what he deserved and Oda Mae was paid in full! But that is the movies. In real life, things don’t get sewn up in a neat package within a couple of hours. No, in real life you have to do the work to see the results. Dating can be a minefield of potential disasters. The good news it doesn’t have to stay that way. Just like Oda Mae warned Molly of her need to re-evaluate her connection to Carl, I am warning you. You can take this as an opportunity to make certain adjustments and shift your perspective to self-correct. You got this girl!
Opinion by Early Jackson
(Edited by Cherese Jackson)
Book: The Modern Princess: A 21st Century Guide to Fairy Tale Relationships
The Modern Princess: The Mission
On The Set of New York: Revisiting More Films: Ghost
Top Image Courtesy of Early Jackson
Inline Image Courtesy of Brandi’s Flickr Page – Creative Commons License
Featured Image Courtesy of Wade Morgen’s Flickr Page – Creative Commons License