It will happen sooner or later. No matter how good of a mate you feel you are, at some point you will suffer a relationship breakup. Depending on your upbringing, track history, or mindset, you will navigate the breakup accordingly. My services as a coach have served to assist many brokenhearted individuals in transitioning to better days. Everyone handles it differently. And, the bad news is no one book, blog or manual can speak specifically to your unique situation.
A few years ago, we got a glimpse into the Kardashian Kingdom through the life and times of Robert Arthur Kardashian. Rob, the fourth child of attorney Robert Kardashian and then-wife Kris. Rob as he prefers to be called, is the youngest of three sisters: Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe. Unless you have been under a rock the past 10 years, you know exactly how things have played out via their reality television show “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” Rob has not had the most stellar of careers according to Kardashian standards. Rob has suffered some tough times especially in the arena of relationships. Maybe it was because every move was documented for television. Maybe it was because his family has a long history of meddling in each other’s affairs. Either way, Rob has usually been on the receiving end of the breakup.
In early 2016, Rob began dating model, video vixen, and stripper Angela White, professionally known as Blac Chyna. I know what you are thinking; what could possibly go wrong! You guessed it. Only a month after the birth of their child Dream Kardashian, Chyna moved out taking their child with her. At some point throughout this ordeal, Rob has regained primary custody of Dream. Over the past week, things got interesting and pretty petty as Rob took to Instagram to vent his frustrations with his ex. The entertainment world watched with their preverbal popcorn in hand, as Rob aired out some personal stuff about Chyna. (If you want to catch up with on the rachetness, just search your IG feed for Rob and Chyna).
This is where the story becomes damaging. Rob and Chyna are firing shots at each other that can never be reseeded. Not only is the general public watching, but at some age, their daughter Dream will have access to the entire exchange. Instead of creating an environment of stability and love for their child, they are engaging in hand-to-hand combat via the internet. Nothing good can come from this!
We understand that no one enjoys this experience. But, if handled properly, a breakup can yield growth and maturity for future relationships. I wanted to share from a coach’s perspective some things to avoid when you are processing a bad breakup.
- DO NOT jump on social media to rant: We all see it. It is cringe-worthy at the least. People from all walks of life on social media telling us far more than we should know. This is destructive on two fronts; first, it puts all your private business into the hands of people who do not even care. Second, it opens you up to defend criticism should you decide to reconcile with your ex. Either way, we must learn to process our pain within the circle of trusted people close to us. If you do not have that type of support, you have to cultivate it. The Internet IS NOT the place to seek counsel and comfort.
- DO NOT recite your story from your perspective only: We see things as we are, not as they really are. Depending on your level of pain within the relationship, you may begin to give the story a twist that shows you in the best light. I have found as a coach that there are three sides to every breakup: His side, her side, and the real perspective. The truth is not always relative. We are usually gazing through the lens of our disappointments. Do not let this cloud your story. Outside of a few select situations, it usually takes both people to facilitate a breakup.
- DO NOT run into another relationship too quickly: I see this as one of the easiest mistakes to make. When you are coming off the heels of a relationship, the normal inclination is to find a rebound person. You have already been conditioned to be in a relationship so the abrupt breakup can leave you with overwhelming feelings of loneliness. This is NOT a good enough reason to start hooking up with whoever you meet. I often tell clients that a relationship autopsy is mandatory after a breakup. Why? Because we must fully determine the cause of death for the relationship. That can only be accomplished by cutting it open and dealing with the ugly truth. That truth is identifying what you did to contribute to the disablement of this relationship? If and when this is done, you are ready to heal and move on.
Whenever celebrities go onto social media with wild rants it can serve as “guilty” entertainment. It is not that you want to see bad things happen to people, but in reality, it is like a car wreck; you cannot seem to look away. We peer into the window of celebs to see if they are really like the rest of us. They are. The difference is while we are allowed time to heal in private, they must process their issues in the public’s eye. For that, I commend them. I do not know how well I would function if I had to live in a fish bowl.
I wish Rob and Chyna the best. If for no other reason than the child they co-parent; she deserves better. The hope is they will settle their differences and hone in on being the best they can be for Dream’s sake. Meanwhile, we have a blueprint of exactly what NOT to do when we find ourselves going through a tough breakup.
Opinion by Early Jackson
(Edited by Cherese Jackson)
The Modern Princess (Book): Let’s Make Dating Safe
People: A Definitive Timeline of Rob and Blac Chyna’s Romance
Top Image Courtesy of Early Jackson – Used with permission
Inline Image Courtesy of Gustavo Devito’s Flickr Page – Creative Commons License
Featured Image Courtesy of Vic’s Flickr Page – Creative Commons License