How do you make it out of “teeny-bopper”status in to global conversation-starter? Simple…just make sure you’re a goody-toe-shoe child star first then follow Miley’s molly-laden, twerk-dancing, tongue-sticking out, nipple-bearing, wrecking ball-riding, controversy-full path and you’ll be a global phenomenon over night.
Barely anyone talks about her music. Wrecking Ball is actually a well-produced and well-performed song in this writer’s opinion. And she’s always had decent vocals and performances throughout her career. Right now, it is really about her bad behavior and not-giving-a-**** attitude.
Now on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, Miley is not stopping her world domination any time soon. After stating that “People get tattoos of the most f*cked-up sh*t,” she decides to get “Rolling Stone” tattooed on her feet. She thought this would be better than playing laser tag or bowling.
In a digital world full of uncertainty and debates about wars and global warming, it is definitely “an interesting time to be Miley Cirus”. She seems to be oblivious to all of the negative things people say about her yet at the same time, her recent bad behavior seems as calculated and well-designed as any US Foreign Policy or new military missile.
How You Can Be The Next Miley Cyrus
Turning a child star to pop wildest is a strategic career move that Miley Cyrus and her management team seem to have been planning for many years now. And if you want to be on Miley’s playing field, the following are the 10 simple steps to duplicate Miley’s success:
- Become the star of a Disney children’s show and teen feel-good movies.
- Release sweet Country-style songs about young love and loving America.
- Get a hunky, handsome boyfriend that most young girls would go ga-ga for.
- Then, here is your turning point: get a pixie, boyish haircut.
- Proceed with getting tattoos and showing paparazzi that you party all night.
- Then get yourself a highly rated awards night performance. Do anything and everything allowed on the show that will get people disgusted and fascinated by you.
- Release a new music video of you naked with balls or other sexual symbols.
- Shortly after, break up with your normal boyfriend and get with a bad boy rapper.
- Continue to perform everywhere doing controversial things. Make sure to stay naked and look drugged out as much as possible.
- Read or watch the billions of rants from all over the world about your decline/rise and enjoy the millions your career will make.
It’s a genius PR-design from a rational and business standpoint. But of course, from a normal person’s point-of-view, not all of us can pull this off. You will need balls just as big as the one Miley Cirus is riding in her Wrecking Ball video.
Good luck and may you be the next Miley-Cirus-Child-Star-Turned-To-Pop-Wildest celebrity we all will be writing, commenting, judging, praising, and reading about next!
Written by: Chelo Aestrid