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For many new dads, the idea of fatherhood is a wonderfully exciting and terrifying thing. Once the child is born, they sing of a love that washes over them the moment they are able to hold their bundle of joy. After the birth of his first child, however, new daddy Michael Buble shockingly confessed that these warm feelings did not register until a little while later.
Noah Buble, the son born to the man with velvet vocal cords and his young wife, came into this world on August 27, 2013. Buble counted fingers and toes as all dads do and rejoiced in the birth of a healthy baby boy. However, he did not experience the warm and fuzzy feelings many fathers report feeling as their child breaths its first breath. Buble surprisingly confessed that he experienced none of those “overwhelming feeling[s] of love.” Rather, he felt as though he was meeting a stranger.
The now doting dad admitted that it was not until a day or two later that he finally connected with his son and new role as a father. In the evening following the child’s birth, Buble was able to spend a little quality time holding and soothing the babe. It was at that moment in his time alone away from the mother, he admitted, that “it finally clicked.”
According to ABC News, Buble’s experience really is not all that shocking and should be treated with compassion. It is relatively common for dads to have a difficult time connecting to their newborn children. Psychologists call the phenomenon paternal detachment and confess that it affects many more men worldwide than people may realize.
Professor of Counseling Psychology Jerrold Shapiro explained that this experience can be explained by the father’s relative disconnection from the child in its early developmental stages. The biological mother of a child is the sole participant in the development of a child from conception until birth and sometimes further. The mother carries and births the child with her body. If she so chooses, she continues to feed the child in the same fashion. “Basically the father is an outsider,” Shapiro states.
As per Buble’s experience, it is not until the father has an opportunity to bond with a child via one-on-one alone time that an emotional connection begins to form. This is due to the fact that paternal love is learned, rather than innate as is seems to be in many mothers. Once that private time takes place, feelings of paternal detachment generally dissipate quickly. It can, however, take months and even years before a father truly develops the “unconditional” emotional bond that continues through the rest of a child’s life.
Now that little Noah approaching his second birthday, Buble is aglow with pride, love, and compassion for other fathers who also experience the shock of paternal detachment. Sometimes it takes time to develop a deep bond with a child, and “every single person in the world tells you to do it a different way.” He confessed that, while it may have been confusing, his daddy duties are now the highlights of his life.