Testicle Eating Fish on the Move

Testicle Eating Fish on the Move

A small South American fish that eats men’s testicles in on the move. This testicle eating fish goes by the common name of pacu and is a native of South American fresh water areas. This hungry creature is related to the piranha and it is an omnivore which means basically, that it eats anything and apparently everything. Despite sounding like the plot of the world’s silliest horror film, the fish do exist and they are apparently migrating.

The pacu does not have the razor sharp teeth that its relative the piranha has, but does have teeth that resemble a human set of pearly whites. They also have less of an underbite. Pacu also can get considerably larger than their cousins and can grow up to three feet long and weigh around 55 pounds (25 kg). That in itself means that they can eat some pretty big cojones.

They normally live in South America, and their staple diet consists of insects, rotting plants and fruit that drops into the freshwater that they live in. But recently there seems to have been two new disturbing developments about these hungry creatures that like to nibble “nuts.”

The fish, with eery human looking teeth, have migrated to other freshwater areas outside of it’s South American home. It has now been found in European waters for the first time. In August, they were discovered in Paris, France and there are fears that the little omnivore could find its way to United Kingdom waters.

Experts have been warning male swimmers to keep their trunks on if they swim in the Øresund channel between Sweden and Denmark as the fish has been spotted there. And now the official publication of The Paris Prefecture of Police Newsletter has announced that the pacu has been found in the River Seine. This indicates that the fish is on the move along with their, somewhat alarming, new menu item men’s testicles.

Although the police officials were somewhat dubious at first concerning the authenticity of the captured tropical terror with it’s odd “man-like” teeth. But it was those human appearing mandibles that proves it is the pacu; all the better to eat your testicles with, my dear.

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Henrik Carl, who is an expert on the fish, said in August that the pacu is not usually a threat to people. He did say, however, that the fish had a pretty serious bite. Carl went on to explain that there have been cases in other countries, like Papua New Guinea, in which men have had their testicles chomped off.

Carl went on to add that it wasn’t personal, the fish were just hungry and that the testicles “sit nicely in their mouth.” It has been pointed out that fishermen who work South American waters have allegedly bled to death after one of these fish have bitten off their testicles with those human looking teeth.

Apart from it’s recent European spotting, the fish have been found in Amazon rivers and Orinoco basins in South America as well as Papua New Guinea. It is thought that the fish were artificially induced into the areas’s ecological system to bolster fish stocks.

While the testicle eating fish is on the move, experts say that keeping your swimming suit, or trunks, on will provide adequate protection against looking your family jewels. So no skinny-dipping is the rule of the day.

By Michael Smith
United Kingdom

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3 Responses to Testicle Eating Fish on the Move

  1. Earle Richards February 25, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    “Pacu”. I have a new nickname for my boss at work.

    Reply
  2. Milton Ruiz September 5, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    The warning about the testicle bites was a joke. There are no recorded instances of pacu attacking humans.

    Reply
  3. Thomas September 5, 2013 at 9:22 am

    The pacu can put denture companies out of business,

    lol

    Reply

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