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No Employees In IRS To Talk To

by Roy Denish

“Why are you fidgeting and restless?” Felix asked his son Stan.

“No, Daddy. I’m not fidgeting. I’m furious!” said Stan.

“Why, may I ask?”

“Today that boy Jose, in my class, drove a brand new car to the school,” Stan replied.

“So because of that you’re mad?” Felix queried.

“No dad, not because of that. Dad, you work for a big pharmaceutical company and you bought me a second-hand car from a dopey-dealer with 120,000 miles in it. I have to push the car everyday in the morning to start it.”

“So what?” Felix asked.

“Well,” Stan said, “Jose’s father doesn’t have a steady job and they live in a one-bedroom apartment with three other families, not in a home like ours.”

“What are you trying to get at, son?”

“Dad, Jose told me that his father gets a huge tax refund every year from that organization.”

“What organization?”

“Oh the the… um… the Internal Racket Services,” Stan said.

“I think you mean the Internal Revenue Service.”

“Whatever. Jose said his father gets tax credit for 10 children.”

“But isn’t Jose an only child?”

“Yes Dad, but his father claims tax credit for his nephew and nieces living in El Salvador,” Stan said. “Haven’t you read the newspapers lately?” Stan asked Felix.

“No, I haven’t. These days the news is about gay and lesbian marriages and I’m not interested in that stuff,” said Felix.

“Dad, you’re missing out,” said Stan. “An India-Anna television re-porter Bob-Seagull reported that the IRS has been handing out 4.2 billion a year to undocumented workers in this country,”

“That’s not good,” said Felix.

“Dad, one person got $29,000 for his 20 nephews and nieces living in Mexico,”

“What else did the newspaper say?” asked Felix.

“When the re-porter went to Wash-ink-ton, he couldn’t find anyone to comment on the story,” said Stan. “Dad, can you believe the IRS have 100,000 employees but there wasn’t a single person to talk to the re-porter?” isn’t that bad for the IRS?”

“Yes, my son. I guess the employees must have been at lunch when the re-porter went to meet them,” said Felix.

“Why do you say that?”

“Why haven’t you heard son? They all have long lunches.”

“Dad, how are they going to recover all that money?

“Simple, my son. You see, in Nevada, we have 12.5 percent unemployment. The IRS could recruit 5,000 people and ask them to go after all those who have been cheating on their taxes.” said Felix.

“But Dad, can’t the IRS employees go after the swindlers?” asked Stan.

“No, because most of them have been assigned to the bigwigs, especially to watch out for Don-old Trumpet,” said Felix.

“Why do you say that?” asked Stan.

“Son, Don-old has lots of hair on his head for his age and it’s gold-colored. The IRS thinks he has been doing hair implants. They believe that every strand on his scalp is made out of gold, so he can deduct it from his taxes as a personal expense.”

Stan walked out to get a drink of water.