In the United States, divorce rates have reached up to 50% with numbers still soaring. Why? Are all divorce situations valid, or are people just being lazy in their commitment to each other? What are the ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ reasons for divorce?
A new study recently came out where it was reported that for each additional child born into a family, the divorce rates dropped by several percent. Does this mean having more children is the answer to saving a crumbling marriage? I wouldn’t say so. For many, having more children simply covers up the problems a couple is facing. The true question is, does the couple have ‘unity of purpose’? And if not, perhaps there is no other choice than to seek divorce.
Another study reveals that overweight people are less likely to file for divorce than their more ‘fit’ counterparts. Perhaps this points to the idea that those who lacks self-confidence, as many with weight issues face, are more apt to try in situations where someone with a more ‘acceptable social form’ might seek ‘something better.’ When it comes to staying or not staying in a relationship, often the easier it is to leave, the more likely it is to happen. Which is perhaps true in the studies of those with fewer children and lesser weight.
Some of my favorite concepts around marriage and divorce come from spiritual teachings such as those layed out in a work by Edgar Cayce called Many Mansions — The Edgar Cayce Story on Reincarnation. Well known and highly documented clairvoyant Edgar Cayce had a beautiful perspective on marriage and divorce such as the previously mentioned idea of ‘unity of purpose.’ Stating: “When a relationship exists that prevents the purposes for which the entity entered…and there is no altering of it, then…it is better that there be a disassociation.”
Cayce believed that “marriage is the natural human state” (not to say that important spiritual growth cannot take place without it). Also, his readings suggest that our marriage partners come to us from the ‘ancient bonds of attraction.’ And that we somehow had a contract with these people before we came here. He continues:
Know that by staying within marriage, there is much opportunity for growth. On the other hand, no institution should enslave people into unhealthy, miasmic, contorted relationships, and that selfless love should not be case before the swine of unregenerate, selfishness… divorce is as sound and sane and decent a procedure as the dissolution of any other legal contract.
The point is, no matter who you are, marriage should be about mutual growth, support and personal evolution. If the partnership is not aligning so as to assist both people in contining to become ‘better people’, avoiding the stagnation of comfort and docility, then divorce may be in truth, be the right course of action.
In another light, divorce is seen as a way to ‘get away from the problems’ which inevitably arise whenever you come face to face with ‘yourself’ in the eyes of someone else so intimately. It is becoming more and more obvious to those who have jumped ship more than a few times that when problems arise, it is better to first look at self-correction before blaming the ‘other’ – unless you want to meet the issues you have again, in other shoes.
Having been divorced several times myself and watching others whom I love endure the process, I have come to recognize the possible factors for what may be called ‘the right reasons.’ The more experiences you have with the ‘other’, the more you begin to recognize yourself in the problems, and not the problems in the partners. Partnership and marriage is an opportunity for inner expansion, growth, the mirroring of issues, compassion, acceptance and the act of commitment. Only when there is a blatant misalignment of life purposes ought two people to consider divorce. Or when violence is happening…and even then, the question must arise – who is creating this experience? I know, this is a difficult question to ask in the midst of seemingly unacceptable behavior, but we must stop creating ourselves to be the victims of our experiences.
We have created a culture which runs from its problems. I know I did. I ran from experience to experience, searching for the ‘better’ one, only to find that until I changed my perspective did the situations I found myself in, alter to meet the new self.
Divorce can be lovingly arranged between two people who recognize their paths are going separate ways and that it is best serves both of them to part ways. Divorce is not usually like this when people feel they have been wronged and mistreated.
The notion raised here is merely the consideration of the reasons why divorce may or may not be the ‘right’ option. If you are doing it to ‘escape’, it might be wise to consider what it is you are trying to escape? Listen to your inner guidance, look at the common purpose existing between you and your partner, and make a conscious choice as to the best path for growth and evolution. You know the answer.
Written by: Stasia Bliss