Lamar Odom Ends Drug-Addled Basketball, Begins New Career as Drunken Rapper

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Earlier this month, Lamar Odom gave an intimate performance at a standing-room-only show in his best friend’s bathroom. Fortunately for his admiring public, a bootleg recording has recently surfaced that allows his fans to relive the magic of that momentous evening. It appears that Odom may finally leave behind a basketball career that ended in a haze of drug use and begin anew as a rapper who is simply a drunk.

A grainy cell-phone video – the only remaining evidence of the appearance, beyond a lifetime of memories for the single attendee – depicts Odom offering a freestyle rap that continued for approximately four minutes. The cramped space naturally trapped the body heat generated by the enthusiasm, and Odom can thus be seen gyrating in the middle distance without a shirt. Whether any other articles of clothing were removed as the performance continued beyond the end of the recording is currently unknown.

Lamar Odom, for his part, was in classic form, slurring strings of imaginative pejoratives in a manner indicating that he may not have been entirely certain where he was. Always one to give back to his fans, the celebrity symbolically passed the microphone as he interleaved his rhymes with those encouraged from his friend and sole audience member. The two alternate between lyrics detailing such hardcore activities as how they “make money without the NBA” and how Odom “be on the DL” when his wife, famed bobblehead Khloe Kardashian, is abroad.

TMZ received the recording of Lamar Odom’s first intoxicating forays into the rap game last week as the result of a leak that they refused to identify, and so anyone in the room that night could have been the source. It has been speculated over the last two days by several outlets that the video was actually shot during the Great Summer Crack Binge of 2013 that contributed to Odom’s ouster from the LA Clippers. TMZ, however, claims its analysis confirms that the freestyle was indeed filmed on an as-yet-unspecified date in November. Odom further insisted in a statement released yesterday that he is completely innocent of any allegations of drug use, having been merely drunk out of his mind at the time of his performance.

The musical departure may represent a Plan B for Lamar Odom as his hopes of returning to the NBA linger unto desolation. On November 15th, the former player met with officials from the LA Clippers to conduct talks concerning a possible return to his former position as a mediocre forward who serves to distract from the team’s performance through his antics. Though no decision was announced following the meeting, Odom immediately flew to his alma mater of the University of Rhode Island. There he has been spotted training vigorously and receiving specialized counsel from Rob McClanaghan. The well-respected trainer is renowned for encouraging healthy habits and living a clean lifestyle, so it’s possible that Lamar Odom merely dropped by to say “hi”.

Lamar Odom’s musical oeuvre is still comprised only of independently-released material, such as the leaked video and various incoherent voicemail messages. Entertainment insiders, however, eagerly anticipate the day that Odom abandons his hobbies of drugs and basketball to commit himself fully to spitting drunken rhymes that excoriate the people who have tried to help him deal with the consequences of his many mistakes. If this preview is any indication, he has a bright future ahead.

By Daniel Annear


Daily Mail