Love is a form of madness, so they say, and Valentine’s Day is here to prove it, as around the world, all sorts of crazy stuff is happening; romantic, ridiculous and perhaps in some cases, regrettable.
One company hoping to cash in on the weekend-away-to-pop-the-question trade, has come up with a new toiletry. It’s a cunning design by TravelSupermarket, incorporating a deodorant with a ring compartment. Yes it’s the I-do-derant. Now the proposer can be sure of body freshness when it comes to that all important moment of reaching for the engagement ring. TravelSupermarket came up with the concept when they saw that searches to romantic destinations had soared in the days preceding V Day. That does not include to Zagreb to visit the Museum of Broken relationships. Not yet anyway.
Another savvy company, Uber taxis, have promised to deliver a pair of sexy undies to prospective lovers, if you download their app today. The knickers or boxer shorts are worth $90 so it is not a bad deal.
If this idea mis-fires for whatever reason, a lawyer in Michigan is offering a free divorce in a Valentine’s Day competition, The most compelling story will win the no-fee legal separation. Perhaps it could be “He obviously forgot and sent me awful frilly knickers from a taxi firm?”
Never ones to miss a major milestone, Google Doodle are in on the love-fest, allowing users to personalize chocolates in a heart-shaped box. For those who might be feeling a bit sour towards their supposed soulmates, they can sprinkle on ants or salt instead of sweetness.
In China, another meany-pants, has been spoiling lovers nights out tonight by pre-booking every second seat at a cinema, so that couples cannot snuggle up. The movie to be screened is “Beijing Love Story.”
Valentine’s haters like that spoilsport Chinese man can join MyFakeValentine.com and arrange to have flowers sent to themself at the office. This could potentially backfire, according to the Department of Work and Pensions in the UK, who have warned, via twitter, “If you do find love this Valentine’s Day be sure to inform the DWP, as you are no longer entitled to single person’s benefits.”
In America, some schools have banned children from bringing in Valentine’s Day cards unless they bring one for everyone in the class. Bit of a mixed message there. Are they trying to encourage promiscuity? Some schools are allowing cards but banning candy. Harwinton Consolidated School in Connecticut is one of these. The teachers there suggest pencils, stickers or temporary tattoos as substitutes for symbols of love and affection. Nothing says “I love you” like a temporary tattoo.
A woman who auctioned herself on eBay for a Valentine’s date has been disappointed as the seller has not paid up. She is now having to seek reclamation through the “unpaid item” category. Hope Anscombe, from Kent, England was bid for £621 which she had planned to donate to charity. Now she is dateless and down in the dumps.
The police force is Edinburgh have shown their soppy side, or not, by posting a “Roses are red” poem. It goes like this,”Roses are red, violets are blue, If you commit crime on Valentines Day, we’ll put you in a grey cell.” Appropriately enough, they have used the hashtag #polisnot poets. “Polis” is the popular nickname for police in Scotland.
Meanwhile a sheriff in Georgia has banned all men from having to run out for Valentine’s gifts because of the bad weather conditions. He has declared the area a NO VALENTINES DAY ZONE and the order remains in force until February 16th right up to the Tennessee border.
Lesbian dating app Dattch has been bemused by an unprecedented number of men trying to sign up today. The men have been posing as women. Perhaps this proves you don’t have to be crazy to join in on Valentine’s Day, but it helps.
In another slightly odd Valentines moment, Oscar Pistorius, the paralympian accused of killing his girlfriend on this day last year, has issued a statement to say he is still “consumed with sorrow.” He called his tweet a “few words from the heart.” He is due to stand trial next month
On trial in a different way at today’s winter Olympics are husband and wife curlers, Xu Xiaoming and Kim Ji-sun. It is their first Valentine’s day together as newly-weds, but as representatives of their respective countries, China and South Korea, they are at loggerheads to win on the rink. Xu has announced he is determined to wish his wife’s team the worst possible luck. Now that’s not very romantic.
But then, some might think that whipping young ladies with lashes made from goatskin is the antithesis of a courtship ritual, yet this is what Pagans used to enjoy in the festival of Lupercalia, from whence the whole Valentine tradition is assumed to have sprung. It was such a rage until the fifth century AD that the early Christians decided they had no choice but to adopt it into a holiday, so they tied it in with the story of St Valentine.
Whether you love it or hate it, there is no getting away from Valentine’s Day in all its many guises on February 14th. It sure generates a lot of craziness all around the globe,but at heart, it is a celebration of the best of human emotions, so let’s salute it.
By Kate Henderson