Why Atheist Church Is Dumb


Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of notifications on my Facebook newsfeed about a new, dumb idea called “atheist church.” Every time I see it, I just shake my head in disgust. Atheist church is dumb, and here’s why.

First and foremost, atheist church is dumb because one of the best things about being an atheist is not having to get up on Sunday morning to go to church.


Who wants to drag themselves out of bed on a Sunday, root through the laundry pile, find clothes that smell halfway decent and socialize with a bunch of do-gooders? No thanks!

I never really believed in God or Jesus, but you can rest assured that the perks of not having to go to church on Sunday had a helping hand in nudging me over the edge of agnosticism into full-fledged atheism. There’s no way I’m going to give up my blissful 1:00 p.m. Sunday wake up time to lug myself over to some dorky sing-a-long with a group of (most likely) well-educated people who are smarter than me an undoubtedly more charitable too. Why would I want to be surrounded by people who are better than me? I think I’ll stick to the self-esteem destroying power of Facebook, where the confidence busting happens virtually with no real human interaction required, thank you very much.

Morgan Spurlock is going to be leading Sunday services at an atheist church in Nashville. What the hell is wrong with those people? Yeah, like I really want to watch some super accomplished guy who’s younger than me remind me that I’m not really doing much with my life. Ugh.

The next reason why atheist church is dumb is because it reinforces the idea that church is required to live a decent life and be a good person. We atheists are supposed to be good without God; aka: without church. Now you better believe that every religious person who finds out about this is going to call us hypocrites or extremists and laugh in our faces, which is really the last thing we need. We have enough trouble being taken seriously as it is! Why give the yahoos more fuel for the fire? Don’t believe me? Watch the YouTube video at the end of this article in which the commentator calls atheists “retarded” for forming a church and says it’s “the biggest crock of s*** ever.”

Additionally, all the pictures I have seen of people attending services at atheist church have zero diversity. Sorry, sitting around with a bunch of other white people singing You Are My Sunshine isn’t really my idea of a good time.

Possibly the most compelling reason why atheist church is dumb is because it is so freaking embarrassing. It’s really dorky. I dread every time someone asks me about these atheist churches because I don’t want to be associated with the concept in any way, shape or form. What the heck do they do there, anyway? Congratulate each other? I don’t understand the purpose. Some say it’s for “community.” Why not spend time with your friends and neighbors? Why not bring the old lady down the street a casserole? Wouldn’t doing actual community building activities be more productive than sitting around patting other atheists on the back? Supposedly, the service includes “sing-alongs” (dorky) and “poetry” (ok) along with “trying to figure out life.” It sounds suspiciously like some weirdo 1960s Hippie commune mentality; and there’s a reason why that mentality never got anyone anywhere.

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s group-think. The moment people congregate into groups to simply reinforce and celebrate each other’s ideas, which happen to be all the exact same ideas, I lose interest.

Quite frankly, I’d rather spend an hour talking to Ken Ham than attend one of these self-congratulatory, nerdy atheist church sessions. At least Ham would be amusing, and who knows, maybe I would learn something new about how young earth creationists think, which is far more interesting to me than a sing-along with (most likely) pushy vegans and naval-gazing intellectuals.

Atheist church is dumb. I don’t have to adhere to a set of ideas, believe in God, or go to church to be charitable to others and uphold a strong moral code. Being independent and strengthening society by doing good works on my own while at the same time reaching out to my fellow man with goodwill and kindness does not require attendance at a church service. That’s the whole point of being an atheist, after all.

By: Rebecca Savastio


USA Today

7 Responses to "Why Atheist Church Is Dumb"

  1. Toodles   February 16, 2014 at 7:34 pm

    Girl Bye! The topic is simply ridiculous. Luckily for us long suffering readers, there were at least a few bits that were worth a light chuckle, but please, find something more interesting to b*tch about so that your witty lobs can be appropriately appreciated. Thank you, that is all.

    ~I already said goodbye

  2. Fallulah   February 12, 2014 at 11:01 am

    I loathe editorial journalism like this. You have a personal preference and opinion, bravo. Doesn’t mean this translates to the larger audience. What the hell do you care if consenting, autonomous, adult individuals want to meet with like-minded individuals on a Sunday morning? Who is it hurting? The only thing that makes it “dumb” to you, is that you don’t think you would enjoy it. Lots of Atheists obviously DO enjoy it. I could say writing for a random online site is “like totally DUMB…duh!” but I am not a spoiled little brat like you and I realize people are diverse and derive pleasure and fulfillment from many different activities.

  3. Ashai Tides   February 12, 2014 at 6:54 am

    Brat indeed.

  4. WW   February 12, 2014 at 6:46 am

    I think you have entirely the wrong idea about what these gatherings are.

    Typically by the time a church might start on a Sunday morning, I have been awake for at least four hours. So “dragging myself out of bed” is not really an issue. If you have trouble getting out of bed by midmorning, perhaps a night shift job is for you.

  5. Curt Mudgen (@TheCurmudgeon69)   February 12, 2014 at 5:51 am

    To each their own. Some people actually like going to church so when they became atheists they felt like they were losing out of a socially important part of their life. You may not want to do it but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong, or dumb, for anyone else to. Your article doesn’t give good reasons why atheist church is dumb other than you just not liking it, which isn’t a reason at all. You don’t like it? Don’t go. Don’t rain on other people’s happiness just because you’re a sour grape.

  6. Mike   February 12, 2014 at 5:30 am

    Not to mention pompous, self-centered, and utterly lacking in empathy.

  7. Mike   February 12, 2014 at 5:29 am

    Wow. What a spoiled brat you are.


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