Quality Time With Children Better Than Quantity

Most parents, particularly those that work, feel they do not spend enough time with their offspring. They carry guilt or fear they are failing as parents because of working late, missing a soccer game or hitting the drive-through on the way home rather than sitting at the dinner table. But relax folks, new research shows that the quality of time spent with children has more bearing on how they turn out than quantity of time.

There is a widespread assumption that many working parents do not spend enough time with their children. Actually, parents today are spending far more time with their children than in the past. Based on 2010 data, mothers spend 13.7 hours per week on average now with their children, which is nearly double the amount in 1975. The hours fathers spend (7.2 per week) is three times the 2.4 in 1975.

A just published longitudinal study of parent/children time together shows that the amount of time did not have a discernable effect on the kids. In academic achievement, emotional well-being and behavior, it is the quality of the time spend with children from age 3 on up that matters, according to the large-scale research effort written up in the April issue of Journal of Marriage and Family. The only exception was the teen years, where more time with a mother lessened the likelihood of getting into trouble.

The researchers studied time diaries from a representative sample of children across the nation. They looked at parent time and information about how the kids were doing in 1997 when they were all between the ages of 3 and 11. They did a similar analysis of information on the children and parental time in 2002, when the kids were ages of 12 to 17.

During their analysis, the research team looked at “engaged” time, when the parents were interacting with the youngsters. They also considered “accessible” time, when the parents were present but not actively involved with the kids, such as if a parent is preparing a meal with a child sits and does homework in the kitchen. The research focused on the quantity, versus quality, of the time spent together.

The researchers also wanted to test the widespread parenting belief that there is mothers’ time with children is special. One of the report authors, Melissa Milkie, a University of Toronto sociologist, predicted that time mothers spent with children would matter. “I was really surprised,” she acknowledged about the fact that mothers’ time did not matter for most, or that the mothers’ amount of work hours either.

The exception, when quantity of parental time does matter is during the teen years. They determined that the more time an adolescent is engaged with their mother, the fewer instances of illegal or delinquent behavior. The more family spent with both parents together, such as over dinner, the less likely the teens are to abuse substances or engage in other risky or illegal behavior. They also achieved higher math scores.

How much time was needed to teen interaction? The study found positive correlations for adolescents who spent about six hours a week engaged in family time with their parents. “So these are not huge amounts of time,” Milkie said.

The team also found that guilt-ridden efforts by mothers to spend as much time as possible with their kids may have a negative effect, particularly when the mothers are stressed, over-tired and anxious. Mothers who are stressed out “because of the juggling with work and trying to find time with kids, that may actually be affecting their kids poorly,” noted Kei Nomaguchi, a Bowling Green State University sociologist, who was the co-author.

Plenty of studies have shown the value of quality parent time reading to children, sharing meals, talking with them or otherwise engaging with them one-on-one — and better outcomes for kids than focusing on quantity of time. So spend time in the car talking instead of with earphones on, watch a show together and actually discuss it, and find other ways to engage.

By Dyanne Weiss

Sources:
Washington Post
Slate
New York Times