In a candid discussion, following her 90-day stretch at rehabilitation center, as a result of a DUI, Lindsay Lohan joined Oprah for a much publicized interview about her life, her rehabilitation and her future, admitting to Oprah that she is an addict, but her past troubled past is now behind her.
The interview, which aired on Sunday evening on OWN, took place just 4 days after Lohan completed rehab – her sixth – since all her chaotic troubles began to unfold around her.
In the interview, Lohan admitted that she had not been completely honest about the amount of times, when previously asked, that she had taken the Class-A drug cocaine. Earlier, she had said that it was 3-4 times, but she revealed that it was really closer to ten or fifteen times.
“I was terrified of being judged,” said Lohan. She also went on to add that she had never injected, but rather, snorted the drug.
“I’m an addict,” admitted Lohan, insisting that alcohol was more her drug of choice. “That, in the past, was a gateway to other things for me. I tried cocaine with alcohol.” She added that she only took it so that she could drink more.
Not only is Lindsay Lohan addicted to alcohol, but also to chaos. ‘Having all the chaos around me that I was so comfortable with, I somewhere inside knew I wanted to go to jail… and I think that that was subconsciously being put out there just by my actions, or lack thereof.” Lohan revealed that she found the realization that she was actually going to jail “terrifying”, all the time knowing deep down that she really needed help.
Her previous stints in rehab had not been taken seriously, with Lohan seeing them more as a punishment, rather than a way of seeking and accepting help. By her 6th time in rehab, she finally submitted. “I don’t think in the past I’ve ever fully surrendered to the fact that I really need to shut up and listen,” Lohan said about her addiction, adding, “I wasn’t fighting at all. I just let go and was able to just be like, ‘OK, you probably know what’s best’.”
Lohan likened her bad behavior to that of one who was insane. “The definition of insanity… doing the same things over and over.” This was her way of saying that she was hoping for a different outcome. But clearly, lessons had not been learnt, therefore they kept on repeating, with more severity, until she finally accepted it.
When Oprah asked Lohan, “What is it like to be an adjective and a verb for child-star gone wrong?” Lohan responded that she hated that label and title and that that was not what she had aspired to be.
When establishing where things had begun to go wrong, Lohan identified that it was just after she had shot ‘Mean Girls’. Then 18 years old and probably knowing it all, as we all thought we did then, Lohan was pretty much left to her own devices as a young adult, but suggested that perhaps she wasn’t quite ready to shoulder the burdens and responsibilities that life was presenting her with just yet. She admitted that perhaps she “wasn’t really being guided” as she might have still needed to be.
Dina and Michael Lohan, Lindsay’s parents were previously accused of exploiting her, but Lohan said that they had done no such thing. She felt terrible about the leaked phone call to her father, for instance, in which she had accused her mother of taking cocaine. She later revealed to Oprah that this was a false claim, but that when he father actually issued the call, it “killed me.”
Although Lohan has completed her stint in rehab, she still has more than a year of weekly therapy sessions to attend. Now Lohan can start over with the first leg of Oprah’s post-rehab publicity tour. Ms Lohan will also be collaborating with Ms Winfrey with an 8-part docu-series that follows Lohan’s life as she tries to rebuild her career, regain the trust of the people who matter in her life and career and keep out of trouble.
Lohan, when referring to her spiritual self, said that she is feeling “whole again” and wanted to do whatever was necessary to maintain that feeling. She stated that she felt much better when she stayed “present and clear-headed and focused.”
Ms Lohan had even talked of heading off to Europe, to attend a yoga retreat with her brother, at which point, Oprah had questioned whether this was a good idea to do so soon. She had urged the 27-year old to reconsider.
“I’m in a different headspace. I don’t want those things I wanted before,’ Lohan said. “I don’t blame anyone for my mistakes.” She added, “I’ve been given a lot of chances, and I’m really lucky to still have the support and someone like you even coming and sitting to do this interview with me. And I’m grateful for it.”
Let’s hope that these words stay true for Lohan, that she stays clean and well and can finally put her trouble past well and truly behind her for once and for all.
In the meantime, hundreds of well-wishers have been tweeting their prayers and hopes in support of Lohan, during her recovery.
Oprah’s 8-part docu-series with Lohan will be aired nationwide in 2014.
Written by: Brucella Newman