Why won’t anybody just come out and say the truth about Alan Turing: Queen Elizabeth made him grow breasts, and that is why he committed suicide. Here is the true, whole story in seven smarmy steps:
Step 1: During WWII, Alan Turing was head of the British Intelligence division of German naval cryptanalysis, and chiefly responsible for developing the machine that cracked the infamous German Enigma Code.
Step 2: Coterminous with this work, he developed what is widely considered to be the formal theoretical framework for modern computer science. His model called the Turing Machine is the classic definition and prototypical depiction of a computational device. In other words, all computers are Turing Machines, and Alan Turing is widely regarded as one of the great geniuses of the 20th century.
Step 3: As WWII came to a close, Alan Turing was hailed by the free world as a genius, a visionary, a scholar, and a great war hero. There is little doubt that he saved many lives and played an instrumental role in the Allied defeat of Germany. Some people believe he played as much of a role in the Allied victory as any other single person.
Few scientists develop ground-breaking theories and make lasting contributions to their fields of study. Far fewer still develop pragmatic applications of their work to win wars and save lives. By the end of the war, Alan Turing had become one of the great figures of the 20th century, and he had already gone down in history as such.
Step 4: One day, in 1952, Turing reported a petty theft to the police. Upon arriving at his apartment, the police noticed Turing was with another gentlemen. Under the Labouchere Amendment, which made gross indecency a crime in the UK, Turing was arrested for gross indecency.
What was not spelled out in the British law is the definition of gross indecency. Specifically, Turing was arrested, charged, and found guilty of being gay. This is exactly and precisely how the British government operated in those post-WWII days.
For the sake of perspective, Turing was arrested and prosecuted for being gay in 1952. That is the same year as Queen Elizabeth was crowned. She became the latest in a line of anachronistic, old-fashioned, figureheads-of-British-government-royalty that they cannot seem to live without.
Step 5: As a result of being found guilty of being gay, Alan Turing was essentially given a choice. As a gay man, as a pariah, and for being found guilty of being an immoral credent, Turing was told to choose between either imprisonment, or forced injections of female hormones.
It is a matter of historical record that Alan Turing was forced by the British government to undergo chemical castration, grow breasts, spiraled into depression, and commited suicide. On the eve of the Turing biopic, as people are pretending to give him some kind of a pardon, it deserves to be said that he did not need or deserve a pardon. This is the whole, true story. Once again, the Yankees yell out the truth. Queen Elizabeth is the one who really should hope to be pardoned for the gross miscarriage of justice that was perpetrated upon Alan Turing.
Step 6: Choosing not to be imprisoned indefinitely, Turing underwent forced injection of female hormones. His voice began to change, his skin softened, and he began to grow breasts. This writer is not capable of making this stuff up, or of being sued by Queen Elizabeth for slander.
This is the whole story and it is the true story. As a result of this outcome, Turing fell into a depression, which resulted in his suicide in 1954. He was only 41, and it was 16 days before his birthday. In those days being a war hero-genius of the highest order did not out-trump being gay.
Step 7: On December 24, a pardon was issued for Alan Turing under the royal prerogative of mercy. This means it was a legal act sanctioned by the reigning British monarch. This act of sanctimonious charity was not, however, prompted by any recognition of guilt or wrong-doing on Queen Elizabeth’s, or her government’s, part. Rather, it was obviously just part of the hype surrounding the debut of the new biopic about Alan Turing, The imitation Game, starring Benedict Cumberbatch, that fast-paced thriller hailed by critics as the holiday feel-good movie of the year.
Indeed, the movie makers released a picture today of Cumberbatch playing Turing in the movie, and they claim to have released the pic in light of the royal pardon. How fitting for our great war hero. The movie makers go on to say that Turing was eventually the “victim of an unenlightened British establishment.”
Would anyone believe that be the same unenlightened British establishment that did this to Turing in the first place, is the same unenlightened British establishment that is still running their country today?
It’s bad enough that Queen Elizabeth represents the choice given to Alan Turing, by a medieval government that he had actually helped to save in wartime, between imprisonment and forced chemical castration.
It’s bad enough that Queen Elizabeth would only deign to issue a royal pardon almost 60 years later, as if it had slipped her mind in the interim – not that big a deal.
It’s bad enough without having to deal with the fact that it was a profit-making career move for Queen Elizabeth, and her prime ministers who are obviously operating in top form as a PR agents for the British movie industry.
Queen Elizabeth never gave a royal damn about Alan Turing. She issued her very belated royal pardon as the very mercenary sales representative that she is for her power elite, highbrow homies.
Poor, old Alan Turing got nothing for being a genius and a war hero. He saved England’s royal ass in WWII and he got treated like a slave for it in return. Under Queen Elizabeth’s royal reign, Alan Turing was prosecuted for being gay, received forced chemical castration, was made to grow breasts, which led directly to his spiraling depression, and a tragic cyanide suicide. There is no use protecting the abusers. That is the whole humiliating story, and it needed to be told. Boycott this movie, please – let’s do it for Alan Turing.
By Alex Durig, Ph.D.