Fiona Apple Alleges Mistreatment Following Arrest For Drug Possession

It looks like fans of Fiona Apple were in for an unusual surprise during her Huston show Friday night. The 35-year-old Grammy winner’s recent run-in with the law caught many off-guards — indeed the singer-pianist was arrested at a border stop in Sierra Blanca, Texas after a routine check by patrol officers turned up .01 pounds of marijuana, and .01 pounds of hashish, according to police. Apple was taken to Hudspeth County jail, and was released on Sept. 20 after posting a $10,000 bond. Soon after her arrest and release for drug possession the singer alleges mistreatment during her incarceration.

If you thought such “Criminal” behavior might be too juvenile for an artist who’s been around since the ’90s; think again.

The “Anything We Want” singer fully admitted to drug possession, but spoke out at her first post-arrest show in Houston about her experience. What she had to say about four specific people who allegedly mistreated her in an “inappropriate and probably illegal” manner makes us think Fiona hasn’t exactly cut down on pot-smoking since the incident.

Don’t get me wrong, I get the gist of what Apple is saying here, but it’s muddled and weird — sort of like the ramblings of someone who smokes a lot of hash. Not that I’m judging.

Here’s what Fiona had to say:

“Now most of the people were very nice to me. There are four of you out there, and I want you to know that I heard everything you did. I wrote it all down with your names and everything you did and said stupidly thinking that I couldn’t hear or see you. I then ripped the paper up, but not before I encoded it and — I got two lock boxes. We’ll call them ‘holding cell one’ and ‘holding cell two.’ In ‘holding cell one’ is the encoded version of the shit that you did that I know was inappropriate and probably illegal. In ‘holding cell two’ is the decoder. I’m the only one who holds the key, and you and I will be intimate forever because I will hold that secret forever. Unless of course the celebrity that you had so much interest in, but you wanted to accuse me of bringing up while you laughed at me all night? Unless you’re interested in being a celebrity, I’ll make you fucking famous any time you ask and I’ll open those boxes. So why don’t you stay in your fucking holding cell?”

Well, that’s one unconventional, elaborate way to respond to an arrest. And frankly, we’re left speechless. We’re sorry to hear she was allegedly abused in some way, but this response is a little, um, “out there.”

We’re not exactly sure what went down, but that explanation rivals speech she gave at the 1997 MTV Video Music Award, where she said:
“This world is bullsh**, and you shouldn’t model your life on what we think is cool, and what we’re wearing and what we’re saying.”

Gee, we wonder what could be making her so paranoid?

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