Lindsay Lohan: The Fight Film & 7 Reasons Why She’s a Loser [Video Update]

Los Angeles CA – When I get a request, I try to accommodate my loyal readers, because without them, I’d be scraping pennies off of the sidewalk.  Guardian guests were especially brutal to your boy over the weekend. Well, it was my fault for posting an article about Lindsay Lohan before I took it to my editor. I guess a lack of sleep got the better part of my senses for a moment.

Enough with my pity party and excuses – let’s tend to the matter at hand. First off, I’ve got a bonus for those that enjoy a good fight every now and then. I’ve included the video of Lohan just as she’s being arrested by New York’s finest.

I know what you’re saying, where’s the fight film? Like my dad use to say; if you’ve seen one fight, you’ve seen them all. Now I’ve got some points I’d like to make.

If you could kindly stop. Take a deep breath. Now tell me, aren’t you tired of Lindsay Lohan stories? Now I know what you’re saying – why am I writing about her? That’s actually a rhetorical question because you know the reason. If I’m spending any of my valuable time writing about her disappointing life, there’s got to be some money involved.

I said it! I get paid for writing about, perhaps the most leading headline-getter on the planet.

Does that answer your question? I hope so.

Now back to my question, and I’ll put it a little bit differently this time:

Why are you reading about Lindsay Lohan? I mean, what exactly is it about the former Disney star that fascinates you, or maybe not you, but the rest of the world?

I know i’ve got some nerve questioning you, but I had to go there. Why? Because she’s so painful to watch.

I want to root for her. She’s an underdog and I’d truly like to see her win for a change.

But betting on her is like betting on a sure loser – and I don’t like losing.

After months of painstakingly writing about her ups and downs, I’ve come to believe that Lindsay Lohan is a loser.

Here are 7 reasons why I’ve drawn such an unapologetic conclusion:

1) Let’s start with Lohan’s present quagmire.

On Thursday, November 29, 2012, Lohan was arrested for allegedly throwing a punch at Tiffany Eve Mitchell, 28, a psychic card reader from Florida. The incident occurred while the two were partying at the Chelsea “hotspot” Avenue in Manhattan.

Lindsay had been banned from attending the nightclub earlier this year following a run-in she had with Justin Timberlake. The “Liz & Dick” starlet has a notorious habit for showing no respect for authority or rules. Thus, in this countdown of the 7 reasons why I believe Lindsay Lohan is a loser, let’s pen our first point on the obvious disrespect Lohan has for authority. She was banned from the club, yet, she returns night after night as though the club’s decision to bar her from entry was simply a joke.

To be fair, the nightclub bears a certain measure of responsibility…which brings me to my second reason.

2) The actress is surrounded by enablers. People allow her to ignore rules, protocols, and in this case–a ban from Avenue nightclub.

Although Lohan was arrested outside of the club, the police report indicates that the alleged punch happened inside the venue – the very place she’d been barred from entering!

That’s where we get our first glimpse of the people who recklessly continue to enable her careless behavior.

Reportedly, club representatives and owners were happy to say that Lohan was still welcome at their establishment, even after she had been arrested Thursday night for assaulting a club patron.

What happened to club protocol that says when you’re caught fighting inside a trendy nightclub, you’re no longer granted entry into the establishment? In other words, you’re banned. Unless of course you’re Lindsay Lohan.

3) Why did Lohan allegedly attack Ms. Mitchell? The answer represents the third reason why I believe Lohan is a loser.

Simply put, the actress is spoiled. She has to have what she wants, when she wants it – no matter how trivial and no matter how it’s obtained.

According to the psychic, Lohan was in the club when Mitchell approached her with an offer to simply give the actress a free reading. According to witnesses, Lohan told Mitchell that she’d like to be left alone.

That’s when things took a turn for the worse. Mitchell claims, Lindsay called her a “f**kin* gypsy.” Mitchell’s friend went ballistic. In the commotion, Lohan allegedly hit Mitchell in the nose and was subsequently arrested for assault.

I know very few winners who use racial slurs. It is mean and it’s terribly condescending. One thing all losers have in common is that they can’t win when the odds are even. So the first words out of Lohan’s mouth implied that she was better than Mitchell: You’re just a ‘”f**kin*’ gypsy,” so leave me alone.

You can see that element in Lohan with each piece of evidence I use to support my premise. For some reason, she believes she’s better than the rest of us.

4) Lohan not only refused to take responsibility for slugging the fortune teller, she reverted to one of the oldest tricks in the book. She simply denied putting a bruise, as clear as day, on Mitchell’s forehead. To add insult to injury, she told anyone who would listen that she’s the victim.

Now that’s a classic loser move.

Flip the script by denying you pulled out a can of whoop a** on someone. It’s cheating to the tenth degree. But that’s typical of Lindsay, who somehow finds a way to subvert the rules. She has to have it both ways; ”Heads I win, tails you lose.”

5) Mitchell sought professional representation in order to weigh her legal options. The fortune teller was able to retain publicity-loving lawyer Gloria Allred.

So how does Lohan counter the daunting arrival of Allred? She hires a private investigator, a move someone like Larry Flynt might pull to offset an obvious lack of defense! It might be a good strategic move, but, it clearly is an attempt to subvert the law.

But then why not? You’d expect that from a loser.

Without a viable defense, Lindsay has reverted to…. Did you guess? Blackmail. What other reason could she have for hiring a private detective?

TMZ has reported that the P.I. was given a specific assignment: Find out if Mitchell has a criminal past.

6) The sixth reason why Lohan is a loser (in my opinion) has to do with her public abuse of intoxicants. It’s one thing to escape, it’s another altogether when you take others down that (nightmare) road with you.

The website has reported that Lohan is drinking her life away, putting two liters of vodka down the hatch every day.

According to the report, the former child star has been guzzling it down like a pirate for more than two months.

Since alcoholism is clearly considered a disease, the gentler side of me wants to see Lindsay get help…but that’s how this loser gets you.

Lindsay has no scruples. She easily judges others for behavior she herself regularly engages in. I remember writing a few stories on Amanda Bynes a few months back. You would think that Lohan would sympathize with the beleaguered former child star, especially since they both were practically raised on production sets.

Nevertheless, Lohan bashed Bynes instead of serving her with much-needed words of wisdom and comfort. It was during that period that I began to see the actress for what she was becoming.

It’s not easy to avoid Lohan’s deceptive persistence. It’s the compassion you feel when you’re around someone whose circumstances are clearly less fortunate than your own, which drives you to want to help. But if you fall for that with Lindsay…before you know it – you’ve been had!

Lohan faces new criminal charges in California, which were filed just hours after she was arrested in New York. Her latest legal troubles could send her back to jail because she is on probation for a necklace-theft conviction.

Her convoluted path through the criminal courts system and her struggle with drugs and alcohol has put Lohan in front of a judge 19 times. She has been to five rehab facilities for a total of 250 days since early 2007.

The problem that keeps the 26-year-old constantly in the news appears to be two-fold:

A: Lohan is her worst enemy.

B: She has enablers everywhere.

You could say that’s the sum of my argument. It certainly is at the very root of why I’ve concluded she’s a loser.

I recognize that not all people who commit crimes are losers, so the fact that she faces some serious charges in L.A. is not critical to my argument. Nevertheless, there is an element within her current legal woes that clearly supports my argument.

In Los Angeles, Lohan faces charges of reckless driving, giving false information to a police officer and obstructing or resisting a police officer in the performance of his duty.

While these charges are all misdemeanors (and would not alone normally result in jail time) the Los Angeles city attorney, who successfully prosecuted the actress for stealing a necklace in 2011, could ask a judge to revoke her probation.

A decision by the Los Angeles city attorney could come as soon as Friday, according to spokesman Frank Mateljan.

While it would likely be several days before the prosecutor gets confirmation of Lohan’s New York arrest, the Santa Monica charges filed Thursday should reach the Los Angeles city attorney’s office sooner.

The Santa Monica charges stem from a car crash last June while Lohan was on her way to the set for the filming of “Liz & Dick,” the Lifetime movie that aired last week.

7) I mention all this to make it easier to grasp the seventh and final reason I have concluded as to why Lohan is a loser. In this case, the enabler and offender couldn’t stand out any clearer.

Lohan told police officers that her assistant was driving the Porsche when the accident occurred, while witnesses told investigators they saw Lohan behind the wheel. Do you see another enabler here?

It doesn’t matter if it’s civil or legal, Lindsay Lohan has enablers everywhere! Because no one is willing to distinguish right from wrong with Lohan, I’m afraid she will continue to have a page set aside by every tabloid and newspaper that’s within hearing distance of her daily antics.

I guess that too has in some ways enabled the actress.

I believe that without the enablers, Lohan would have experienced the causes and effects of life – and perhaps might have become a different person. The person that she is today is desperately in need of help with coping and navigating through life’s bumps and turns. You don’t help her by enabling her, you help her by allowing Ms. Lohan to experience the good with the bad – whatever that might be.

Those of you who perhaps believe that all news outlets take part in the enabling of Lindsay Lohan – I’ve got news for you: Not this news outlet (and certainly not this article).

I hope for the day that Lindsay Lohan wakes up.

But until she does, in my opinion, she’s a loser. Plain and simple.


Written by DiMarkco Chandler

44 Responses to "Lindsay Lohan: The Fight Film & 7 Reasons Why She’s a Loser [Video Update]"

  1. Debra Wattes   March 22, 2013 at 12:58 am

    All I can say is, here we are nearly four months later and Lindsay is no further down her path. The universe will continue to send her the same lesson until she grasps the concept she is not above anyone, including the law. I just hope for her sake that the law wakes up in time to save this sad soul.She is surrounded by enablers enabling an enabler- tragic cycle. We said and well written DiMarkco.

  2. Wayne   December 3, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    Very well said cuz !! I agree , her royal Brattyness needs to come down to earth for her own good !! Peace & blessings !!!!

    • guardian   December 3, 2012 at 11:34 pm

      Thanks Wayne for taking the time to give it a read. I also appreciate the comment.

  3. Lulu   December 3, 2012 at 9:30 am

    I think I will always pity her because we are the same age (same month and year) and I used to have a friend like her. The girl is a mess and even if she wasn’t in Hollywood, she’d probably be a mess but wouldn’t be getting much attention and wouldn’t have as many enablers. Maybe she would hit her bottom much faster without having to try so hard to keep up an image of being glitzy and..functional for the media while also being enabled by leeches.

    On the other hand, I think there are many people that injest celeb gossip but forget these are real people and can be cold and cruel. I used to be that way and I know the girl has been talked about for years without a care in the world for her overall well being like she’s not a human being anymore. If she died though, it would all change like it always does.

    Anyway, like any addict or person with similar issues, she’ll have to hit her rock bottom before she wakes up. Being in the public eye and still being in the midst of the cesspool that is Hollywood, her bottom could be death. Like you I hope she wakes up, she needs a serious reality check and needs to get out or st least take a long break away from celeb life/Hollywood.

    • guardian   December 3, 2012 at 2:44 pm

      Thank you for commenting on the piece Lulu.

  4. concerned joe   December 2, 2012 at 11:11 pm

    Can you comment on the enablers in her family and the troubled relationship with her father, who tried to stage a intervrention?

    • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 11:14 pm

      Joe, point well spoken and well received.

  5. Mac   December 2, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    toss her in jail for maximum number of years, judge clearly said “DO NOT F UP AGAIN!” It is exactly what a normal person would get. & piece of advice to CA, hook her cell full of cam, sell it to a reality tv station..use the money to help school..needy..whatever. Epic Fail Blog: Lindsay vs County.. sounds like a MTV hit to me!

    • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 11:12 pm

      I can’t stop smiling Mac, Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on the piece.

  6. Julia   December 2, 2012 at 10:57 pm

    For all of you slamming the author of this article for “enabling” her by writing about her, wake up! You took the time to read and even comment on it, so quit your self righteous crap. If he’s enabling by writing the piece, then you’re the ultimate enabler by making it profitable for doing so. You want the media to quit writing about her? Then quit gobbling it up (and pausing to chastise the author afterwords for writing it, thereby justifying your reading of it to your own hypocritical sensibilities). Good grief people!

    • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 11:01 pm

      By far Julia, that’s the best level headed comment I’ve heard all day. Thank You!

      • Julia   December 2, 2012 at 11:08 pm

        You’re welcome 🙂 and somebody had to say it.

  7. Json Blade   December 2, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    lmao your such a loser. why don’t you do something more productive then giving your useless opinion. your article sucks and you clearly have no real direction on your pathetic reasons. get a life.

    • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 10:50 pm

      Thanks for the comment Blade. I’m glad that it at least made you laugh.

  8. Isis   December 2, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    Lindsay Lohan is not worth of being called a celebrity. This woman has done nothing except getting into the trouble with the law and her parents. What good has she done other than getting getting on everybody’s nerves. IF THERE’S ANY WAY TO BLOCK HER NEWS AND MAKE IT STOP FROM APPEARING IN MY NEWSFEED PLEASE LET MET KNOW.

    • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 10:47 pm

      I’m smiling Isis. You sure have a powerful way of speaking the truth.

  9. Timmy Whimmy   December 2, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    Lol. Spot on.

  10. Moe Reed   December 2, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    What’s more sad, her life or you (admittedly) earning a living writing about it? With some introspection you may find some appeal in the alternative of “scraping pennies off of the sidewalk”. Ask this yourself this, did I help anyone today, contribute something or make a positive difference?

    Enjoy your “career”.

    • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 10:43 pm

      Lol, I sure hope it doesn’t come down to that anytime soon.

  11. Gossip fiend   December 2, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    You my friend are the loser ! In case you have not noticed, writing this article makes you an enabler yourself .

    • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 10:39 pm

      While I respect your opinion, I agree that it’s a thin line I’m treading, but I certainly disagree with your conclusion that I’m enabling. On the contrary, I went to great lengths to call a spade a spade. I believe it’s not only a harsh critique, it’s the truth. And that sir, is something that is missing from the actress’s life.

  12. Nathan H Vanyukov   December 2, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    The truth hurts the most, but the truth is the best chance a spoiled convoluted wannabe has at waking up and changing for the better. It’s not 2000 anymore Lohan. Your product sucks as does your image. Good luck finding a job after your money is bled out.

    • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 10:40 pm

      Right on Nathan. I couldn’t have said it better myself

  13. kennedy   December 2, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    I don’t agree with her behavior, but is every time she’s in public a money grab. You run your mouth in a club you get smacked no serious injury you move along.

    • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 10:32 pm

      Thank you Kennedy for both, reading the article, and then taking the time to comment.

  14. kennedy   December 2, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    Wow…maybe you writing this article is more telling…get a real job pal

    • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 10:25 pm

      Thanks for giving it a read.

  15. Tim Keppler   December 2, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    And who is the biggest enabler of them all? The press, of course, who expend endless words hashing and rehashing this loser’s every move, every utterance, every stray fart. Let the loser languish in a world of silence, where her need to be the center of attention isn’t instantly gratified by a self-serving press (e.g.: YOU), and she might actually be the better for it. God knows, we would be.

    • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 10:24 pm

      I appreciate you taking the time to give it a read as well as voicing your opinion. If I couldn’t take the heat I would get out of the kitchen. Oh, and by the way, thanks for commenting on the piece as well.

  16. Roger   December 2, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    All good points. Perhaps a 3-year gig with SNL might be the ticket-that job is a lot of work; just might keep her busy enough…

    • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 10:21 pm

      I appreciate you taking the time to comment on the article.

  17. Sierra Night Tide   December 2, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    At first I thought I was going to dislike the article. But even if the article is a little tongue in cheek it’s all true. I feel bad for her. She has no idea at all that she is a mess of a person.

    • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 10:20 pm

      I appreciate your kind words, as you can see, I’m getting hammered. But it goes with the territory.

  18. The Truth   December 2, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    Two words: WHO CARES.

  19. Eddie Brown   December 2, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    Anyone that makes a living writing such trash is a looser.

  20. Bill Kilpatrick   December 2, 2012 at 10:13 pm

    This is an article? I thought it was a screed written on a bathroom stall. If you get paid for your ramblings, I’m ready to eat my heart out.

  21. David Munk   December 2, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    I find the playful tone if your writing in exceedingly bad taste. I realize that entire industry is built in the back if this girl’s suffering and that she is complicit (as are all your readers). But there is something quite cold about your writing particularly.

    • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 10:05 pm

      I can take the criticism. I’ll give you credit, at least the tone was constructive.

      • Anastasia Fleming   December 2, 2012 at 10:16 pm

        I find your tone to be quite appropriate considering the subject. She clearly has no respect for anyone, herself included.

        • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 10:28 pm

          Thanks for your kind words Anastasia. And better still, thanks for giving the work a read.

          • Jenn   December 2, 2012 at 10:43 pm

            I loved the article, it’s the truth that shouldn’t bother anyone.

          • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 10:45 pm

            Thanks Jenn.

          • david   December 2, 2012 at 10:49 pm

            Calling her a looser is kind of harsh and childish. But I do agree she needs help. And prison would actually do her good. Wake her up a bit and face reality

          • guardian   December 2, 2012 at 10:52 pm

            Right on Dave, thanks for the read.

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