In a few weeks time in far-out Nederland, Colorado, part of illustrious Boulder County, the nation’s very first government supported Cannabis Club, Club Ned, will open its doors to the eager and stupefied public. A place for recreational pot smokers to come and mingle lackadaisically under the soothing smoke of fifty joints: how productive.
This stoner paradise was made possible by 25 year veterans of hippie-minded Nederland, Cheryl and David Fanelli. After petitioning the city council for permission, something overlooked by previous attempts throughout the state, they secured the proper permits and will be opening their lethargic doors in a couple of weeks time. Their grand achievement will go down in Hemp History as the first business with local support that gives Marijuana smokers a legal place to partake outside their cozy homes. According to David Fanelli, the couple are “maybe more than pioneers.”
After Amendment 64 was passed last year, giving gleeful Colorado residents the right to purchase and consume Cannabis legally, many entrepreneurs like the Fanellis have been hard (and high) at work. Club Ned is not technically the first Cannabis cafe to open, though, as previous attempts like Hive co-op in Lafayette were quickly shut down due to local issues with municipal resistance. Nederland, however, was more than willing to re-draft some zoning laws and stamp their peace-loving seal of approval; effectively making riveting history, that they may not actually remember.
The fine print of the permit states that patrons must be documented members of the club and have prior made reservations to even use the space for social smoking at all. This keeps the establishment a private entity that one cannot just lazily wander into – they must pay a membership fee first. The customer essentially pays to come smoke their own stash in someone else’s glorified living room. Club Ned, however, will be able to sell food and beverages to satiate both severe dry mouth and overwhelming munchies – thank goodness.
It would seem the thorough plan is to have up to 30 guests at once, who have all driven there with weed in their possession, have them toke and joke together in hazy harmony, and then send them home in their vehicles with bagged evidence of driving impaired in tow. Will the police even bother letting these people get in their cars or will they simply wait outside with handcuffs? The Fanellis have quelled this concern by confidently assuring no one will leave until their buzz has effectively worn off, apparently part of an agreement the guest signs upon entering. Only time and squinted red eyes will tell.
If this new venture succeeds, it will surely start a blazing domino effect resulting in dozens more clubs springing forth all over Colorado; wherever local government will allow it. While the progressive state has prepared itself for citizens being high in the privacy of their own homes, is it equipped to handle people getting stoned at local Ganja bars? The billion dollars of revenue the Mary Jane industry will soon produce will most likely keep the haters at bay. Thanks to the crowning consummation of the Fanellis, the induction of weed into Colorado culture steadily continues. The nation, and the glorious state of Colorado paving the way, will have its first ever Cannabis Club. This will surely be a beloved moment in time passed down to privileged future generations.
By Brandon Duringer