Do you have a game plan for the new year? Many around the world have spent their January in hot pursuit of a resolution. It is a time of reflection and self-evaluation. In the minds of many is the premise known as the law of firsts. Meaning, how you begin a thing is often a precursor of how things will end. In theory, starting with a passion for personal growth and a healthier lifestyle can be just what is necessary to conclude the year far better than you began.
In short, the resolution simply means the quality of being determined and making a firm decision to commit to something. Sounds harmless enough right? The truth we all know is it is much easier talking it than walking it! Researchers claim that having a game plan or strategy is the link between wishing for something better and actually receiving it. Without a game plan, your new year will be left to the whims of emotions and the behaviors of others.
One space where games and game plans are not completely welcomed is in the crowded world of online dating. Better yet, games of any sort are strongly discouraged. According to the Pew Research Center, 23 percent of men and women between the ages of 25 and 34 use some form of dating app. That is nearly a 27 percent jump from 2011. The stigma surrounding online dating has lifted and many see it as a viable vetting tool.
On the other side of the coin, two-thirds of online daters say they have yet to meet up with a potential mate via apps. Their hesitation comes from two primary areas, first, they do not feel completely safe with being alone with someone they do not know. The next reason is they encounter a red flag or take notice the other person is playing games with them. I found a fitting quote that gives a counter to the many games being played in the dating eco-system:
When someone is giving you mixed signals, the answer is ‘No.’
When I inquired with a couple of friends who I know are in the trenches how they navigate the guys, ghosting and games, things got interesting! I asked them to text me some of their thoughts to shed light on surviving the game.
On the surface, some guys tend to play games to be aloof or even as a defense mechanism. For others, this seems to be the product of very bad dating habits. This means many out in the dating world have never learned how to date on a healthy level. They are coming from toxic situations and instead of healing, they move on, as an infected host poisoning each new person they take out. The problem is you do not see all the signs until you are invested emotionally.
FOMO (fear of missing out) is another culprit hindering a positive dating experience. Guys have been notorious for running games on three or four women via apps all the while refusing to choose who to get serious with. Why? Because to them, each holds a characteristic they fancy but are not mature enough to see how unfair it is to others. Any woman putting up with this drama is setting herself up for disappointment soon.
Because poor behavior and halfhearted effort have become so socially acceptable, it is near impossible to hold some guys accountable. They just move on to the next. You get blocked, ghosted or even shamed for your standards. If you cannot get with the game, the guys say get out of the way!
The truth is, it does not look like it is going to get any easier for ladies out there online. But many ladies can take solace in the number of tools available to empower the journey. From books, shared apps to bust cheaters and good old fashioned gut instincts, you girls are armed and dangerous. By the way, have you ordered my relationship book written for ladies called “The Modern Princess” at www.TheModernPrincess.org?
Whatever you decide to utilize, remember that when pursuing love, always take your brain! If it feels off, if it feels too good to be true, proceed with caution. Any man who cannot appreciate your standard or pace to become acquainted probably has a laundry list of games he is waiting to play on you. So beat him to it and say…NEXT!
Opinion by Early Jackson
(Edited by Cherese Jackson)
Book: The Modern Princess: a 21st Century Guide to Fairy Tale Relationships
Top Image Courtesy of New Direction Coaching Associates – Used With Permission
Featured Image Courtesy of SplitShire’s Pixabay Page – Creative Commons License