Dear Sober Mike Tyson…

You might want to wait at least 6 more days before making any promises

Dear Sober Mike Tyson...
Mike Tyson is at it again–only this time, he’s sober, which makes for a far less fun Tyson. Teary-eyed and apologetic, Tyson begged for a new start from the crowd at ESPN’s “Friday Night Fights,” explaining that he “did a lot of bad things” and wants to be forgiven.

Now 47 years old (and still unfortunately stuck with that tattoo on his face), Tyson has been sober and remorseful for 6 whole days.

“I’ve been lying to everybody else that think I was sober, but I’m not. This is my sixth day. I’m never gonna use again.”

While we all appreciate his good intentions, and tears, it’s too soon to be making such proclamations and promises. And requests. (Tyson, FYI, you can’t demand forgiveness, it’s supposed to be earned). And while we all hope, for his sake and everyone else’s, that he does indeed continue living a sober life, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, “40 to 60 percent” of drug addicts will relapse, and alcoholics have a relapse percentage of up to 90 percent.

But drug and alcohol aren’t Tyson’s only weaknesses. According to CBCsports, Tyson’s bad habits began back in 1978, when he was arrested at the age of 12 for snatching a purse. Being sent to the “Tryon School for Boys” must’ve kept him out of trouble for the next 10 years because it wasn’t until 1987 when he struck again, accused of hitting a parking attendant who apparently tried to kiss a female employee. He had to owe the fella $105,000.

Then there was a fender bender in 1988, which cost him $183,000, a broken bone in his hand from a “street brawl” with pro boxer Mitch Green in later that year. Barely a month later (yes, still in 1988), he drove his BMW into a tree for what the newspapers referred to as a suicide attempt.” Again, a month later, he hurled furniture out the window and his wife Robin Givens called the police (and divorced him). And yes, still in 1988, he was found guilty of sexually harassing Sandra Miller at a nightclub. (And just 3 days later, he was sued by another woman for grabbing her bum.)

From 1988 until 2007, he had 19 more “encounters” with the law, covering everything from rape, abuse, more rape, more divorce, more fighting, more vehicle accidents, and filing for bankruptcy.

But he wants the world to believe that after a few days of sobriety, he is ready to receive forgiveness. His words “I did a lot of bad things” just doesn’t quite cover it.

You’re a criminal, Tyson. You’re abusive. Dangerous. Violent. You name it. (And perhaps you’d qualify for the label of “sociopath.” And now you want us to forgive you because you’re at ESPN crying into a microwaving in the midst of your cocaine withdrawls?

Beware, buddy, that the more sober you become, the more you might actually reflect on the “bad things” you did and desperately feel the need for an enormous martini. Regardless, you really ought to be in jail, not the limelight. Ps. Give Lindsay Lohan a call, you two might have a few things in common.

Written By: Ginger Vieira
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