Domestic Violence Can Happen to Anyone

It Doesn’t Discriminate

Domestic violence is a pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors, including physical and sexual abuse, psychological abuse, and controlling behaviors. It is also known as intimate partner violence (IPV). Domestic abuse can occur in any intimate relationship with a history of emotional or physical proximity. This includes dating relationships, marriages, cohabitation, same-sex partnerships, or other family relationships where one partner has more power than the other (i.e., parent/child). IVP is about one person exerting power and control over another.

It can be physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, abuse, physically hurt or injure another person.

Domestic abuse does not have to be physical to harm someone. It is important to know that domestic violence isn’t only about hitting someone; words and actions can also cause harm. In fact, most victims are abused without the use of physical violence. Victims often believe their partner will stop hurting them if they just do what he/she tells them to do or don’t do. But this isn’t true.

IVP is not about anger management or alcohol or drug abuse. It’s not about jealousy or mental health problems either. Domestic violence is about one person exerting power and control over another person who they claim to love.

Recognize Domestic Violence Signs

When you’re in an abusive relationship, your partner may use various tactics to keep you under his/her control:

• Dictating who you can talk with.
• Not wanting you to see family or friends.
• Coming up with reasons you don’t need to work.
• Keeping you from spending money.
• Calling/texting every few minutes you do leave the house.
• Not wanting you to use social media.
• Needing to have passwords and pins to everything.
• Accusing you of not loving them if you do something they don’t like.
• Blaming you for everything.
• No doesn’t really mean no; they just have to work harder to convince you.
• Causing physical, emotional, and psychological harm. Such as name-calling, insults, put-downs, intimidation tactics, hitting, punching, kicking, and using weapons like knives or guns.
• Threatening to hurt those you care about, including pets.

Other Signs

Those are just a few things they could use, there are many other tactics they could demonstrate. Domestic violence is not a crime committed by a specific group of people. It affects people from all walks of life, regardless of gender, sexual identity, age, race, or religion. The same applies to socioeconomic status (SES). Domestic violence can happen to anyone — the only commonality among victims is that they are abused at the hands of someone they love and trust.

People who use domestic violence may target children as well as adults for their anger or other reasons. They may do this directly by abusing the child or indirectly through neglecting to provide adequate nutrition and health care. Children are also vulnerable when they witness domestic violence between their parents because it often leads to feelings of low self-esteem in addition to physical ailments like headaches and stomachaches due to stress on their bodies caused by exposure to constant conflict in their home environments.

Leaving an abusive relationship can be the most dangerous time for a victim and their children. It’s important that you:

• Leave when you are ready.
• Take steps to make things safer for yourself and your children before leaving, such as keeping a bag packed at all times with essentials like clothes and medication.
• Plan how you will get out of the house safely, for example by telling friends or family in advance where you will go, and making sure someone is available to pick you up if needed urgently at any time of day or night.

Reach Out For Help

If an abuser tries to stop you from leaving, take action straight away. This may mean calling 911 and reporting it to the police or another organization that deals with domestic violence. They may be able to help remove them from your home temporarily until they calm down enough for discussions about staying together again safely. You should also consider getting advice from organizations that run safe spaces for women experiencing domestic violence (see below).

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233(SAFE).
• Text: START to 88788.
• National Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474.
• Women of Color Network: 1-800-537-2238.
• National Child Abuse Hotline/Childhelp: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).
• Deaf Abused Women’s Network (DAWN): [email protected] – 202-559-5366.
• National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE).
• Domestic Violence Initiative: (303) 839-5510/ (877) 839-5510
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (TALK).
• Casa de Esperanza: 1-651-772-1611 — Linea de crisis 24-horas/24-hour crisis line.
• National Center for Victims of Crime: 1-202-467-8700.
• The National Immigrant Women’s Advocacy Project: (202) 274-4457.
• National Human Trafficking Resource Center/Polaris Project: Call: 1-888-373-7888
• Text: HELP to BeFree (233733).

Additional Domestic Violence Associations to Reach Out For Help

• National Network for Immigrant and Refugee Rights: 1-510-465-1984.
• Asian and Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence: 1-415-954-9988.
• National Coalition for the Homeless: 1-202-737-6444.
• Futures Without Violence: The National Health Resource Center on Domestic Violence: 1-888-792-2873.
• National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health: 1-312-726-7020 ext. 2011.
• INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence: [email protected].
• National Latin@ Network for Healthy Families and Communities: 1-651-646-5553.
• Committee Against Anti-Asian Violence (CAAAV): 1-212- 473-6485.
• National Indigenous Women’s Resource Center: 855-649-7299.
• Manavi: 1-732-435-1414.

Asking For Help Is Not Weakness

• 

  The Black Church and Domestic Violence Institute: 1-770-909-0715.

• The Audre Lorde Project: 1-178-596-0342.
• National Gay and Lesbian Task Force: 1-202-393-5177.
• LAMBDA GLBT Community Services: 1-206-350-4283.
• National Gay and Lesbian Task Force: 1-202-393-5177.
• Northwest Network of Bisexual, Trans, Lesbian & Gay Survivors of Abuse: 1-206-568-7777.
• Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860.
• National Clearinghouse on Abuse in Later Life: 1-608-255-0539.
• A Call to Men: 1-917-922-6738.
• National Organization for Men Against Sexism (NOMAS): 1-720-466-3882.
• Men Stopping Violence: 1-866-717-9317.

Domestic Violence Legal Assistance

• Battered Women’s Justice Project: 1-800-903-0111.
• Legal Momentum: 1-212-925-6635.
• National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women: 1-800-903-0111 x 3.
• Womenslaw.org.
• Legal Network for Gender Equity: nwlc.org/join-the-legal-network/.
• Domestic Violence Legal Empowerment and Appeals Project: dvleap.org.

There are many domestic violence shelters in the United States that help people escape violent situations. Some of them can be full, but it is still important for survivors to reach out and seek help when needed.

Shelters provide a safe place for victims to stay while they figure out what their next steps will be. The shelters often provide counseling services, legal assistance, resources for job training or employment opportunities, and more. These services can help victims get back on their feet so they can start living healthy life free from abuse.

The Unfortunate Part

There are times when officers will not be able to help the victim. If the abuser is a family member or friend (or even a stranger). Police officers are trained to be wary of strangers, but they may not have the training or experience needed to know when your abuser is someone you don’t share blood with. This could lead them to insist that you’re safe and that you should stay in the relationship because it’s “not as bad” as domestic violence between strangers.

Your abuser isn’t physically violent with anyone else but you. In some cases, abusers will only become violent toward their partners and not other people — and this can make it harder for police officers to recognize abuse when they see it. They might assume that since the victim isn’t being hurt by anyone else, there’s nothing wrong going on here; meanwhile, the partner has been enduring years of emotional abuse and threats from their partner without any intervention on behalf of law enforcement officials before calling 911.

Know the Facts

If you or someone you love has been in a domestic violence situation, it is important to know that there are resources available and ways to get help. The first step is recognizing the abuse and knowing that it is not your fault. If you are experiencing any type of abuse in your relationship, reach out for support immediately by calling 911 or going to an emergency room if necessary. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline or any of the other places listed above.

Finally, make sure friends and family members know what’s happening so they don’t inadvertently enable things like money transfers between bank accounts where their names may appear on statements but not yours. Above all of this know that you are not alone.

Written by Sheena Robertson

Sources:

NCADV: Resources
Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence: Purple Thursday (10/20/2022)
NCADV: 2022 Domestic Violence Awarness Month
NNEDV: Week of Action 2022 (October 17-23)

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